Remaking History -- Personal and Global

Reconstructing one's life seems to be the continuing project of human memory -- "how did this actually happen; how did that actually happen?" It seems that whole nations operate the same way at times -- how did the "Crimea" fall; how did "Donetsk" separate from Ukraine? How did Hitler take power? How did Donald Trump gain access to all the spoiled eccentricities of the American soul?

Nations, politicians, countries, and even individuals are all guilty of the same kind of reworking of recent history. Human relationships suffer the same fate! Who did what to whom and why -- are questions with an amazing array of answers.

How did a "problem" between us actually begin? Who knows? Who remembers? Is it all written down someplace? Or is it "written on the wind?" How does reality change -- what impacts do changing circumstances have on reworked history? Is history a continuously evolving "lie?"

December 28, 2015

For one more incredible year -- the "horrors" are over. Every December my brain and imagination relive the horrors of 2006  --- from the very beginning of the end, to the end, past the end, and through the anniversary of She's death through her birthday -- December 27th.

I no longer question it -- I cannot avoid it -- I just try to live through it!  Every year since 2004 -- from December 1st through the 27th I relive and feel again the horrible injustice of She's death.  I question again the "god" that allowed it, and the awful disease that caused it. I see again the bathroom fall that caused her head to split open, the awful ambulance ride to the hospital, the staying over night -- night after night -- until finally hospice came; and we left the hospital for Room 22 of Hospice Savannah. The 66 days that followed were actually, in the strangest of ways, the happiest Sheila and I were ever to have.  She depended on me and I on her.  We shared the most intimate of thoughts, the most private of dreams. We cried together and prayed together. And to this moment --- this very moment -- I wish we had died together.

There is a brick in the courtyard of Hospice Savannah dedicated to She -- from me (with Linda's help). She died on the morning of December 6th, 2006 in Room 4 of Hospice Savannah. She's Mom Millie and I were both there -- as was She's cousin Carol, the self-appointed representative of Jesus (and boutique missionary to Romanian prostitutes). It was the worst of times. I laughed at She's last breadth-- because I was truly, truly happy that her suffering had ended -- and she got to go to the heaven that she wished for, that she deserved.  

Holidays Are For Giving

Yep, give all you can to others. What they need; what they want; what they don't quite expect to get.
Giving also works beyond the realm of "presents" -- which are the extreme point of giving.

Give --- comfort; give --- love;  give --- a kiss;  give --- an extra hug; give --- of your truest self; give --- the truth; give --- all you have to give; give --- warmth; give --- comfort in all situations; give --- without fear; give --- without embarrassment!

Yep, "holidays are for giving" but they are not the only time for giving!  Give --- now; give --- in that second of need; give --- when another person wants it; give --- when another person needs it; give --- when no one is watching to praise you; give --- silently; give --- to really help, not for self-gain!
















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Old Friends Are "the Best"

Finally caught up with Ms. Dawn Petersen Snyder by phone over the weekend, after trying to reach her several times in vain.  This past summer she, Tosha, and I had dinner at the Crab Shack on Tybee -- and began the process of re-acquaintanceship. I had forgotten (and Tosha said the same thing to me in a later private conversation) what a wonderful, talented, and sensitive person Dawn was.  I guess there was a reason She loved her so much.

Dawn, during our summer three-way conversation, talked about the divorce from Tim, how she felt about it, how hurt she was, and how she was trying to recover -- but found life pretty difficult. She briefly mentioned doing "stand up comedy" for the first time (which was intriguing since Dawn is so much like Amy Poehler as a performer). She started to talk about her Mom (after her husband, Dawn's step-Dad died recently) and alcohol; trying to do Real Estate sales in Atlanta with Town and Country Real Estate, and a few other details.  We left each other (all three of us) with big hugs, and Dawn making me promise to "keep in touch this time."  I didn't realize that I had done that, but it is probably true.

So this past Fall I asked Tosha to send me Dawn's phone number (which I didn't have), then her address (ditto), and her email. And this past Saturday I reached Dawn -- or rather she called me back; from Orlando, FL where she was coaching kids from Atlanta in a National Theatre Audition competition for high school students.  I told Dawn (over a bad connection) that I realized I get "into" Atlanta 6-8 times a year with my "weekend job" -- mostly Downtown (Emory, CDC, The Carter Center..., and Georgia Tech University). She lives in the ''burbs to the Northeast of Atlanta, but said "she would love to have me see her stand-up routines." I agreed; so next time in Atlanta, I will give her a call or a text and see if she is "performing somewhere" in that area. Dawn was one of the most talented improv and stand-up people ever had in any of my classes anywhere. It will be wonderful to see how she has progressed. Can't wait!   

Want and Disappointment

Have you ever really, really wanted something?  A moment in time to do things "over again?" Perhaps that object (or person) that you can't have, can't get close to, can't even dream about possessing? I have.

So many things are "out of reach" now for me. People, objects, positions (of influence not control), events, places to visit, journeys to take! "Desire" and "want" are kinds of internal pressure that often destroy sensible thinking.

An older woman wants a "young stud" as a lover; a child wants to be "in charge" when he/she can barely comprehend what it is to be in charge of anything.  A man wants a certain woman to be his woman -- but she is "out of reach" or "with someone else." It is the way of life.  It is the way of most "fate promises."

Russia wants the USSR again; America wants to be the "last and only Superpower;" Hillary Clinton wants to be the first/best President (woman or otherwise); the Pope wants the Catholic Church to make up for its sins and lead people to God; ISIS wants to kill/destroy everyone and everything that is not ISIS; China wants to come to grips with it vast population -- and be the light of the world, even as a Communist/Capitalist/Oligarchic regime; most human beings just want to be "happy."

Finishing Things

I was surprised to hear Putin's comments on supporting the USA efforts against ISIL!  Surprised and pleased but not unduly so. Mr. Putin is former KGB -- and that really means something. He is clever beyond the level of simple politics. He is strong -- and that is well beyond the level of physical strength -- he is strong in the heart, in the brain, in the memory of what Russia is -- at its best. He can concoct a strategy -- and follow it.

We have no such memories of our history here in America.  We are somewhat blinded by and misinformed about our own heritage -- which truly only dates to the 17th century. And as for strategy -- if it takes more than 3 months we consider it "far into the future."  We are much shallower than we should be -- much too ephemeral.  Much too momentary. Much too last minute.

And that is at least one reason why America is in such a mess!

Unprofessional Nondevelopment

I promised myself I would stop blogging about the negativity of non-educational bureaucracy! And I will. But understand that it takes a lot of restraint to refuse to comment on the unusual confluence of several programs: Achieving the Dream, Complete College America, and the SACS Review Process!

To comment would be unwise at this or any other time. Examine the programs and draw your own conclusions!

Voices from the Past

So far this week I have had contact with two "voices from the past" -- Lisa Haynes Henry (and husband Oren) from Newark, Ohio (now in Orlando, Fl) and Dawn Petersen (in Woodstock, GA).

Must be something in the air!  Lisa said she had a dream that they (she and husband) ran into me in Orlando -- and were so surprised!!! Actually such a thing could have happened -- I have been in Orlando multiple times this past year and a half.  Now Dawn came with Tosha to Savannah last summer -- we shared dinner at the Crab Shack!  And Dawn made me promise to "keep in touch" along with some kind of warning to me if I didn't.

So I did. Dawn truly was great when she worked for us -- as good as Tosha, which is high praise indeed. And Sheila really loved her for her gentle soul.  I really remember Dawn for her terrific improv skills in my classes -- she was the equal of, and similar to, Amy Poehler!  I hope Dawn is still performing and doesn't give up her skills -- just because you can't make a living at it working in Atlanta. She now does "real estate" which seems to be everyone's fall back position once they are divorced. What a world!

A Once and Future Empire?

What are Russia's dreams on the world stage? To be a "superpower" again? To be toe-to-toe with China, the United States, the EU? And what do the Russian people want?

Respect, friendship, trade --- or conflict, strife, war?

The USSR was a mighty but troubled amalgam of nations, peoples, cultures, etc. It existed primarily to serve Mother Russia -- but was not equally or even equitably governed! And so after a few decades there was strife -- and near revolution in places like Hungary, and Georgia, and in the Balkans. This strife was caused as much by individual countries striving to be "free" of the bonds of fealty imposed on them by Mother Russia.

And so the USSR broke down (as have all Empires throughout history) and became Russia "plus" -- with many other smaller countries. Some of those countries have now become truly independent and successful in their own right --- no longer just tributaries of the USSR.

And what does Russia dream of now? A return of the USSR? Or peace with its neighbors.  Just because there are Russian speaking emigrants in a country -- that does not mean that the country is Russian. The Crimea is not Russia; the Ukraine is not Russia; Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania -- they are not Russia!  Nor is Brooklyn, New York!  

China, or Russia -- Which is a Threat?

I have both a young Chinese girl (from Beijing no less) and a Russian girl in my classes this term. The young Chinese woman is a Savannah College of Art and Design flunkee -- due to lack of English skills; while the young Russian woman is fluent in at least four languages.

Both are hard-working -- with the Chinese woman (call her Faye) wishing to be a Western fashion designer. She is tall, angular, and wears her clothes like elaborate sexy costumes -- entertaining to see, but usually not very practical in a climate like Savannah's. The Russian girl -- by contrast -- is extremely studious, bright, and Westernized to the extent that you can barely trace her dialect in her voice. She is a strategic student -- aimed for success, focused on doing well, achieving more and more each day.

Our Chinese woman is doll-like -- beautiful round eyes, whiter-than-white skin, and a soft and pleasing personality. She also has only a working vocabulary of about 3000 English words (about that of a third grader in the USA). Nonetheless she will earn an A or strong B in my class -- attention to detail, sticking to things she knows, and assiduous effort with a dictionary working on her "American" speeches. The Russian girl uses no help -- she is all business, and all success-oriented. And she will have one of the highest grades in all my classes -- hard work always yields results.

These two reflect for me the "world as it is"out there -- China versus Russia!  Which is a threat -- and what are they threatening, if anything?

Read (Red?) in Russia

Can someone please tell me why my tiny little blog is being "read" in Russia?  Am I a classroom project in some Moscow English class?

I did a short little piece on the rise of Russian nationalism -- and now people are reading my blog? I actually have lots to say about Russia. I have Russian neighbors and colleagues here in America, all of whom boast family in Russia, and all of whom have opinions on Putin, the Russian Oligarchs, political policy in the new Russia, alcoholism in the new Russia, poverty in the new/old Russia, government pensions, the rise of the army, Russia as a World Power, and countless other things.

When I read yesterday on Reuter's that the largest group of ISIS volunteers comes from Russia -- I literally couldn't believe it. But when you think about it -- Muslim minorities have been suppressed and controlled in Russia and the old USSR for hundreds of years. A technically atheistic (though decidedly Orthodox Christian) culture spent a lot of effort suppressing the rising Muslim minority.

And now, of course, there is the concept of the "Caliphate" -- and the death and destruction undertaken to try and create it.  

In Mediis Res or In Medias Res; Makes Little Difference

The best place to "start" a short story or a novel is -- in the middle of things.  In most of our experiences that's where life itself is -- in the middle of things. "I was on my way to work....when the accident happened." I was eating when ... I suddenly started choking.  I was living a full and comfortable life ... when I thought about "what it all meant."

As you continue your day, week, month, holiday season, journey, life --- always remember, you are just "in the middle of things." And watch out for that truck!

Passing

To a student -- passing is the turning point! To an elderly person -- passing is the transition, or not, to another life!  To a driver -- passing is moving beyond the slower ones, to a faster more legitimate speed! To the human race itself  -- passing is moving towards the inevitable --- extinction.

"Passing" by itself is a term, a word, a group of simple sounds. But conceptually it is complex and in multiple ways, forbidding.

To "pass" is to change -- it is to get beyond the status quo. To embrace something different! To consciously and succinctly embrace the "new." If it were only that easy.

Blondes

Today has been a day... where I began to truly believe all those "stories" about blondes!  Do blondes have more fun --- probably; but they can't remember from day to day what fun they've had.  Yikes.

I have had a progression of "dumb" or "confused" blondes parading through my office and classrooms today.  "Are we having an exam? Gosh, is that today?" I have announced it "and put it up on the board every class day" for the past three weeks. Blondes don't read; blondes don't remember; blondes don't take notes; blondes wind up flunking their classes!

Yes, I married a blonde -- but her hair was "luminized" to get there (read 'bleached'). So, she was much much smarter than the blondes I work with now.

The Beauty in One's Eyes

Some human beings are just plain beautiful!  It is not the physical body -- great form, perfect proportion, pleasing color(s) or color!  It is not the intelligence -- seen so readily in the decisions, the thought processes, the empathy!

It is not the friends they have, or the children they nurture, or the families they are from, or the delight they take in living. It is also definitely not their marital state, or their sexual preference(s), or their age, or anything peripheral to them. It is not how they touch, or enjoy being touched.

It is rather -- all in their eyes. Movement, status, solidity, knowledge, hope, despair, life! It is all in their eyes.

Group Presentations: Micro and Macro

On the world stage -- climate talks in Paris are now in session. The economic future of the world, the evolutionary future of biodiversity, the political future of ... civilization: are all in doubt,  as we haggle over "fossil fuels," pollution, carbon exchanges, and life itself.

On a much smaller level my students are beginning their final "group presentations" today.  The same doubts, on a microcosmic scale, exist for them.  Will their work this term bear fruit? Will they cooperate with each other and still do their best individually -- enough to not only survive, but conquer. Will they ensure their own future(s) by realizing that speech is required -- speech is essential -- for their continued growth as thinkers, doers, survivors, winners?

Whom Do We Thank?

Do we thank our neighbors? Our friends? Our enemies? Our co-workers? Our family? Our lover(s)? Our children? Our acquaintances? Whom do we thank?

If we believe in God -- we thank Him (Her, Whomever). If we believe in life -- we thank our parents and siblings. If we believe in happiness -- we thank ourselves: for sticking with it, for staying the course, for continuing on as before.

I would just life to thank someone; my visionary communicants, my students, my colleagues, my unwitting foils, my awkward meetings, my triumphs.

Last Day

Today is technically my last day of classes for this semester. The two remaining classes in each course during the week after Thanksgiving will host final "group presentations" and make-up speeches from those lazier students.

It is always an interesting time: getting grades together, writing SLOGS, doing letters of reference for scholarships (3-5 so far). I need the "free time" to also catch up with about a million household and yard chores. Hopefully it won't be too cold for the latter.

Lots of turmoil in the news today: Russia and Turkey both in an "emergency meeting" at the UN over the war plane being shot down; Trump bellowing mightily about torture (waterboarding) and Black Lives Matter (terrorist group -- now, thanks to Trump, under attack around the nation by white supremacist racist groups); Obama not quite being strong enough to command the public eye, and Congress in absolute chaos over its simple "business." Welcome to America!

Young Beauty -- a Photograph of Life Itself

Sometimes just seeing a "younger" (like someone in their 30's) person sitting and doing what they do can be an "enriching" experience.  I have a lot of "younger" students -- still with lots of effusive energy, high hopes, and an impenetrable sense of "hope."  Most of them work hard for the grades they get; most have high ideals and a strong sense of personal integrity.

And that youth, in many ways, is absolutely beautiful. It is the essence of "life" on earth. It is a soft and driving force of life, permeating and enriching everyone who is close to it. It is not a "sexy" beautiful -- but rather a reverential kind of beautiful. It is the "Shinto" sense of life that makes just being worthwhile.

I am looking out at my 8:00 AM class now -- working out the problems of their "group presentations" and being beautiful just by working at their assignment. It brings a "kind of peace" to my soul to understand and accept that such beauty actually...exists.  Thanks to God, or god, or fate, or time -- thanks for this life!

Student Cancelled

Just had another cancellation for a "special meeting" to catch up one of my students on all she's missed -- so she can pass my course.  Why is it that the students today are so needy -- and yet so flippant about what they put others through to help them do their basic work.

It is the callow selfishness of youth, of course. Unfortunately I have 50 year old students who have it
still.

"Now is the Winter of our Discontent..."

The quote from Shakespeare's history cycle (name that play!) always reminds me that I am entering the "time of horrible remembrance." It is the agonizing recollection of the final weeks and days of my wife's death -- She's death -- in Hospice Savannah. This year marks the ninth anniversary of that time  -- and will, once again, plunge me into remembrance and self-doubt.

It was "not fair" that she died so young, and so horribly. It should have been me. It was "not right" that her life and the memory of her kindness and goodness should fade; she was "the best" among us.
It is not normal that time should thunder on, and cycle forward, without her gentle heart moving forward as well. I don't know if I believe in any kind of afterlife --- for myself --- but I certainly do hope and pray for one for She.

I cannot believe in a life-cycle that is so cold as to admit her death, without reasoning out the circumstances and history that caused it. She's Mom lost a daughter (and now she is gone as well); and I lost my life, my meaning, my hope for happiness. I realize that I am biding time here -- and giving myself purpose so that I have some; but I am not sure it is for any good reason.

Maintaining a Cool Head

The world does seem to be going crazy -- even normal reactions sound strained and hollow as people give their opinions on Islam, Daesh, the Paris attacks, the upcoming attacks on America (sometime, someday too soon), women in politics, women in Islam, refugees, the end of the world, the "terrorists coming to kill us all" disguised as starving women and children, etc. etc. etc.

Read all the articles out there --- but keep a cool and intelligent perspective. Maintain your values. Strengthen you core beliefs by just plain understanding them better. Be yourself. Be true to yourself. and don't ever ever let fear and stupidity overtake you.

The French Have Won

A free state -- with freedom for all its citizens -- has won. They have continued their principles, their government, their rule of law, their cherished ethos.

I must admit that Paris is not my favorite "world city." I had "bad experiences" there as a student -- I was "conned" by a slick young Frenchman in a train station back when I was there as a student. I was ersatz "arrested" and deported during the Easter General Strike back in the 1960's -- just because I was an American student. And the Parisian population is gruff and unyielding to outsiders (like Americans) who cannot speak French, or even try to speak it. Nonetheless...

Given all the history I have with Paris -- I still love the people of France. They are tough -- unflinching, and generally good people. They are free and open-minded: their country has been a haven for outsiders and refugees for centuries.   

Students Who Care ... Will Win

I have a certain number of students who are, literally, brilliant. They are smart, nuanced, clever, savvy, but often badly educated. They are people who have not done well in school yet too often just blame themselves. Or they blame their circumstances: too little time, too little sleep, too much work!

John Hersey''s brilliant college age novel "Too Far To Walk" sums up the rather stupid reasoning behind just doing badly as a "way to be" for many college students. I have other students who literally "piss" their credits away, by working not at all to learn what they need to learn.  Laziness, lack of foresight, lack of understanding --- and a badly marred future is what awaits such students.

These students -- both types -- just take up space in our colleges.  

We Are At War

We, all of us -- you and me, are "at war!"  We are at war with ignorance -- that cannot distinguish between those Americans who think differently than we do and "terrorists" who would kill us all indiscriminately to please their "imagined" god! We are at war -- with our own lack of empathy for those who die in third world countries! We are at war -- with our stupidity about the world at large, about differences between religions, with our own desire to stay uninvolved while someone is literally holding a gun to our head!

We are at war -- with indifference, with solipsism, with our own selfishness, with our petty solutions to world problems (putting a "French Flag Filter" on my facebook page to show solidarity with the people of Paris), with our own fear(s)! We cannot win any of these wars -- until we open our eyes and see ISIS for what it is, and kill it before it kills us!  

JIhad is Death to Islam

We can all parse our words about Islam --- Radical Islam -- the Jihadists -- the ISIS Caliphate; etc. etc. etc. The truth remains the truth -- the Muslim religion is flawed enough to produce a pogrom of normalcy unseen since the Crusades or the Holocaust.

Sunni or Shia -- holy or apostate -- Islam has given all the "crazies" in the world permission to act out their nightmares and inflict them on all of the rest of us. The world has witnessed this before: the rise of the Nazi's, the cycle after cycle of religious war in Europe, the tribal excesses in Central Africa, the murderous genocide of Pol Pot in Cambodia, and on and on.

The capacity of human beings to go beyond the norm into unreasonable anti-civilization is extraordinary. Christians are guilty of such throughout history: the Crusades; the Inquisition; the stances on lesbians, gays, and trans-genders; the stances on sexuality and birth control, abortion, and end-of-life! Now Muslims are trying to drag the world back into the Middle Ages: the time of ignorance and fear, and male control masquerading as religious piety, and violent jihad standing in for truth or love.

Stop parsing words -- fight the enemies of love and compassion; kill the morons who would reduce the world to animalism; stop the "crazies" on all sides!!!

Paris, and the World, is Burning

World War II was a shocking and horrible "moment" for proud and ancient Paris. It was a  time for resistance and compliance -- sadness and survival.

Now Paris is "burning again" -- in a smaller but perhaps just as significant way. Fear and anger both grip the people of Paris, and of the rest of the World as well. ISIS (ISIL, DASH, etc) has launched unprovoked and mindless attacks on free Parisians (and all of us as well) for doing nothing more than enjoying life.  The Jihadists of ISIS are insane, of course. But focused as well.

They are focused on destroying our lives, our joys, our desires for peace and happiness -- while they pursue their merciless and inhumane "state of Islam" (though one so perverted and corrupt as to be unrecognizable in human history).  We must "crush" this jihadist aberration -- we must do so for our own sake, and the sake of any human history.

Dead Souls

There are many among us who have lost our sense of empathy. These are the "dead souls" of our world. They are totally into themselves and their own needs, neglectful of all problems or concerns that affect anyone else, and mindful only of their families -- their health -- their bank accounts.

Such people actually believe that "if the world were to somehow 'end'" -- they would still somehow be all right. Their second home in the mountains or their condo at the shore would somehow survive all life-ending catastrophes -- and they themselves would somehow make it out of the maelstrom and be safe. Such stupidity abounds.

It takes the form of "us versus them" and "the good old days" and "how things used to be " kind of thinking. These people are trapped inside their own small bubbles and don't understand that the world is all connective tissue now -- there are no safe places; their are no survivors.

Racism Is the New Death Wish

I simply will never, ever understand racism!!! Those who espouse it are usually stupid, misinformed, socially backward, and incapable of learning. Diversity has and will play such a significant and positive part of the future of mankind -- that being a racist, for any reason, real of imagined is absolutely insane.

Donald Trump is a racist -- versus Hispanics (Mexicans in particular), all-non-Americans, and especially African-Americans (despite his protestations and ridiculous statements about "being loved by this group or that group"). Unfortunately many of the other Republican candidates (including Ben Carson) are also racists, or are simply crazy. Being a racist really entails being a solipsist, a loner, a chauvinist, an anti-feminist, and a total reactionary. Tea Partier's and the Religions "Right" (Wrong, it should be) need to wake up and understand that racial diversity brings human diversity; human diversity brings change and growth; change and growth can and should be all for the better; and life should wax beautiful and full -- not hateful and small!

Michele Bachmann

There is a crazy woman out there --- former Congresswoman Michele Bachmann!  She sees signs of the "end times" everywhere:  violence in Israel/"Jesus is coming soon"; bickering and stalemate in Congress/"Jesus is almost here"; Obama as President/"the anti-Christ is in power--Jesus's Second Coming is at hand!' She takes a trip to Israel and promptly informs Jews everywhere that they must convert now or "face God's eternal wrath!" She is the Christian Jihadist to end all Jihadists!

What is it that Fundamentalist Christians are all gleefully looking forward to the end of the world! Do they really think that they "are the chosen ones" ? Why? Because of their intolerance towards others who are not as crazy as they are, perhaps? Or because they have read Revelations and actually think that they understand that poetic view of "the way the world ends!" Or because their hypocritical "faith" somehow makes them immune from blame ... for anything?

Between the crazed "neocons" and the crazier "Christian right (not 'right' but 'right-turners'):" it's just so very hard to choose. You add it "voodoo economics," "trickle-down wealth theory," and "fantasy
capitalism theories" --- and there you have the GOP. Grand Old Party or Gargantuan Oligarchic Posse!

Silly Girls in College

As a Professor -- I see lots of things happening with the current college generation that I find inspiring (Mizzou students and football players/coaches stand against racism); praiseworthy (college kids on "missions" to repair neighborhoods, help others); and even holy (campuses question and debate their most fundamental faith/science clashes). I also see a whole half generation of "silly" high school girls locked into their emotional upheavals so constantly that they can't even focus on their fundamental life activities.

I have seen young Moms so enthralled with "boys" that they think every look, every coffee date, every touch --- is true love. I see young men throwing away their lives and educations just to please some snarky wilful little girl. I see sorority girls who are openly racist and fraternity boys who use sex with freshman girls like energy drinks. Values? Morals? Introspection? Control? Where are they?

Great Balls of Fear

Lots of people in their 20's think they are absolutely fearless -- about just about everything.  But in my experience -- they are rather cowardly and just plain stupid about what they should be afraid of and what they should embrace.

Many of them masquerade as being open-minded about life; but actually hide in an invisible shield of outright terror about "new" experiences.  They are afraid of the sexual experiences they need to have; they are frightened of commitment and so they stay away from possible "entangling alliances." They know what the phrase "friends with benefits" means but they understand no real part of that self-contained equation. Tantric practice means nothing to them; the Kama Sutra is an unknown; "Cosmo" or "Esquire" is what they consider "dirty": massage is like "prostitution" in their minds. They are the non-sensual, non-sexual generation that actually thinks they have it all. They are the "Puritan majority" in America. The most sexually tantalizing show they watch on television is: "Scandals" or "Satisfaction."

Youth IS wasted on the young.

Political Poop

Is Ben Carson a pathological liar? Is Donald Trump a self-aggrandizing sociopath? Is Carly Fiorina frigid? Is Jeb Bush alive? What is John Kasich? Or Marco Rubio?

Why should I care about tabloid political punditry? Perhaps so that I can distinguish it from real issues of character, or real truths about someone's views, or accurate portrayals of the candidate's behavior in the past.

Are political campaigns that hang on for months and months, with debate after debate, still a useful tool for society to judge a candidate for possible selection and election to the highest offices in our government? How else could we do it? Divine right of kings, perhaps? Or, the richest guy (or gal) gets elected! Or the best smile and haircut wins!

There has got to be a better way than this cauldron of information

Real Men Read

Today I will be "reading" for classes at Haven Elementary School in the national Real Men Read program.  I hope to show my love of reading to others -- and fire their own love of reading and discovery.

Wish me luck!

Rise of Russian Nationalism

I have both Russian and Ukrainian neighbors in my little Downtown area of Savannah, GA, USA! When we do see each other -- we talk about the "rise of Russia" in its own mind, as a "leading country" (a Superpower?) on the face of the earth. The nuclear capability is what people most talk about now -- rather than the "top world economy" that Russia once had.

Russia and Ukraine are at "odds with one another." As are many of the former Soviet Union countries that grew under Russian rule. But Ukraine is now free -- with millions of Russian-speaking citizens more loyal perhaps to Russia and Putin, than to the Democratic Republic which is the Ukraine. Russia (or its surrogates) have recaptured the Crimea, and Donetsk (now a self-declared, self-governing "republic" dominated by Russian-speaking separatists).

Will Ukraine itself eventually be absorbed by this "movement?" What about other areas with large Russian-speaking populations? Estonia? Latvia? Lithuania? And even parts of Bulgaria, or Romania, or perhaps Poland? How far does the Russian shadow fall?  Brighton Beach?

We Are All Racists

A colleague of mine here at Savannah Tech yesterday opined the idea that the above statement  (the title of this blog entry) should be leveled at all of us -- to induce a real soul-searching round of "critical thinking" concerning our daily actions towards others. Forcing ourselves to examine our decisions, day to day, might make us more aware of the subtle little shifts in attitude we display or repeat (often without even realizing that we do).

This process would be more that just mild intellectual self-probing; this would need to be a real defense and thoroughgoing examination of why we think as we do; why we act as we do; recognizing the pattern(s) in ourselves, no matter how small and seemingly benign. "Critical thinking" requires turning an action or idea "inside-out" to really "pick it apart" and show, in precise and exacting terms, how we make judgments.

This is no game. This is seeking the truth of ourselves and our own behaviors. Why are we so afraid of this person, and not of that one? Why do we favor one person over another? Why do we only ever buy one kind of ice cream? Why indeed?  

The American Election Spectacle

Republicans, the GOP (Grand Old Party), have degenerated into a squabbling, dangerous, slightly fascist kind of "hot mess." There Presidential candidates sometimes outdo each other in the "fantastical" conceptions of economics (trickle-down wealth), politics (money and greed are good), religion (the end of the world is coming and I want to be "your" president), and every other possible civilized construct.

Republicans resist knowledge and science (what "global warming"?); they condemn all government actions (we are not making "war" hard enough, with enough vigor, etc.); they resist all change and growth for anyone but themselves (the "middle class are struggling, and my plan will help them" -- I just can't prove it)!

The the Democrats? The Progressives? The Democratic Socialists? They just don't know.

Saga of Human Passion

What do we long for? What do we essentially need in our lives? Is it "love" or "sex" or "friendship" or "companionship?" What?

Everyone is certainly search for it -- that is for sure. Often unnamed or unadmitted -- we search every day for that missing element. That joy. That release. That pain/

Who is supposed to provide that "something" for us -- is it our responsibility; or is it the Planner's (god)? Are we on a kind of "trip to nowhere" in this our life? Are we an accident of the universe, left alone -- to create our own meaning? Is it enough to have "loved and lost; than never to have loved at all?" The fates are not only blind, but dumb (in every sense), crippled, and crazy? And I for one don't like the situation(s) we are all in! Where do I send my complaint?

Reading for Children

This week, as part of a national initiative called "Real Men Read," I will be reading for various classes at a local elementary school in Savannah, GA. I am very happy to be doing this and am looking forward to it immensely.

Finding ways to help others has been a constant if not embedded element in my life for a long period of time. It was reinforced by She's death back in 2004. In many ways I cannot do enough for others, no matter how hard I try.  I have been given so very much, and am so horribly unworthy of it all.  Giving something back is the least I can do to acknowledge the many gifts and kindnesses I have been given.

Learning and Unlearning

Most students are inherently sloppy --- about thinking, about speaking, about writing.  They paint with a "wide brush." "All FAST FOOD is unhealthy," they say. Or GMO's are unhealthy! Or pesticides are killing us!

Too easy to just blame fast food! Too easy to claim that if we just eat "organic" we will reclaim our health! Too easy ---- and too wrong!  We have been ingesting chemicals of one type or another for our entire lives. Just because I start eating organic does not mean that I won't get cancer. The residual chemicals I have breathed, touched, ingested, absorbed and in some way contacted are already nestled neatly in my body.

These chemicals will show up in my "health or blood scans;" in any toxic testing I undergo; sadly, in any post-mortem testing as well. We are all products of "the wonderful world of modern chemistry."
And oftentimes our body has learned to survive -- has even come up with new coping mechanisms to allow us to "live" as normally as we did before the modern age.

But make no mistake. We cannot go backwards in time. We cannot reclaim the pristine when the world is already fouled with and dependent upon the "wonderful world of chemistry."

Life's Fragility

The last time I visited Chicago I could have died. My rental car, with Tosha sitting shotgun to my right and me driving, was sideswiped by a UPS truck on a Saturday morning. The Chevrolet Impala responded well when I floored it and used that power and "drift sliding" to regain control and miss literally dozens of cars parked on either side of the one-way street. Somehow my brain and instincts "remembered" this technique from a "winter driving course" I took long ago for an insurance discount and just kicked in.

I knew then, as I now recall after the death of my student Ms. Sheyanne Peacock in a car accident, that life is exceedingly fragile. It can end in a moment, in a wink, in a second -- without recourse of any kind.

Fate is not kind; accidents happen wherever and whenever they will. And we are the victims; the outcome; the final "ends" of those experiences.Whether we live or whether we die -- we are forever affected.  

The Death of Ms. Sheyanne Peacock, Eastman, GA

Sheyanne was an unforgettable young woman: smart, opinionated, resolute, eager to learn, and wise well beyond her 21 years. She had at least two children (ages 5 and 2) --- I know because they were injured in the crash that took her life.  

On October 1st of this year --- on a slick road in Dodge County, GA she lost control of her car, hydroplaned, slid backwards into traffic, and then finally off the road and into a tree. She would not survive this crash. How horribly, horribly sad for all who knew her and loved her.

She was such a devoted "Mom" -- talked about her kids in class again and again -- and yet she had such a rich personality and vigor of her own. She embodied life and energy, and intelligence. I remember she was trying to quit smoking -- because "she needed to." She had strong opinions about everything -- life, and drugs, and country living, and being married. At 21 she was just beginning to come into her own; just beginning to test the limits of her intelligence -- and the world. Her death will not and should not be forgotten.

Monday Trending Down

Too many absent students!  Too many students too tired to come to class on Mondays; too tired to make up the work they are missing; too tired to do well in their courses!

I teach speech.  Speech, or public speaking, is the simplest of all communication courses.  All that is required is that you show up -- allow yourself to overcome whatever fear you have of being "judged" for what you say and how you say it -- and learn some very simplistic ideas about the nature of speaking/the nature of listening. Why is it that students take even an easy course and make it tumultuously hard?

Not good for their own futures, alas!

Trusting Youth to Take Over

Watching Paul Ryan maneuver his way into the current Speaker of the House position I am reminded how callow the younger generation really is.  Representative Ryan is using the typical strategies of his generation -- he is demanding that everyone be in favor of his leadership, and promise to vote together and not splinter into sub-groups. While that might be "ideal" for apparent efficiency -- it is neither democratic *(small "d") nor fair. The Speaker is supposed to find support and build coalitions -- using compromise, "bridge" programming, and thinking that reflects growth and change. But the Millennials don't quite think that way. (I'll get back to this idea.)

There are problems in the world as there are in Congress: stupid racism, moronic conspiracy theories, and just plain shallow thinking --- all of these factors have impeded growth, problem-solving, and consensus building working towards the future. Millennials try to obviate current problems the same way --- pretend that problems like racism, or bigotry, or selfishness "do not exist" for our generation -- and so, all we have to do to reshape history is to do "nothing! If I don't vote; then I'm not a part of that mess!  If I don't participate in government, or school policy, or even simple charity --- those problems will simply "right themselves" --- someone else or something else will just take care of them.

This attitude is somewhere between a "lazy blind sheep" and an ostrich with head firmly buried in the ground. The result of such bold innovative slackness?  Come back in twenty years and we will see!

Saving Money

Had a "persuasive speech" in one of my classes today about saving money.  It was quite a good speech because it covered all the bases: saving for emergencies, saving for retirement, saving for down payment(a)-- house and/or car, saving for fund, saving for the "slush or sinking fund" -- what I used to call WAM (walking around money).

Money is not the end of life -- but it does make focus on the more important things possible. If I don't have any money at all -- my life can become a "living hell" of deprivation, want, embarrassment, and hunger. Money assuages the impact of the many obstacles and duties we face on a regular basis. Money can be used to help others. Money can be a bridge to and for those who can accept it from others. Money is the "grease" that keeps life going -- it is the "fat" in our diet that tastes so good -- it is the "dirt" that we use everyday to cleanse ourselves of want. It is instrumental, but not an end of any kind, in itself.

The Pain of Remembering

All the times you didn't do what you said you were going to do!  All the times you failed to live up to your own expectations!  All the moments you let slip by without saying what you really meant!  All the incidents you failed to act on, even though you were right there, and capable of making real changes happen!

There is not enough forgiveness in the hearts of all the people in the world, all the people I know, to make up for the courage that I lacked!

No more! I am what I am; I do what I do!  I know what I know!  I remember all my many mistakes! And I forgive myself --- for being human.

On Vague Family "Rumors"

I worry about my family -- three siblings who are all older than I am, two of whom have had major health scares. One younger sibling (you know who you are) who has had major unexplained health "issues."  Life is beginning to get complicated.

I don't really worry about myself.  I expressed myself fully when Sheila died -- that I was ready, willing, and able to "die" at any time. I offered my life for hers often (and often) -- to no avail. I am pretty sure life and death is not a "God conscious" act -- i.e. God does not cause our deaths, either collectively or individually. God does not "punish" and/or "reward" us during out lives or afterwards. If I am "wrong" about this concept -- so be it. But why is it I have "free will" and "right and wrong" is still posited by some as an "absolute standard" of behavior. If God wanted strict obedience, why did he/she/it make us "free?" If we are "free" how can we do wrong? If "right or wrong" are always tempered by belief, conscience, and love -- what are the standards by which I (as "free") can do wrong?

Big Business, the Republicans, and Fox News

The alternate title of my "blog piece" today could be: "Who are the REAL Villains in Modern Day America Circa 2015?" No, that would be superficial and cruel. The real enemies are those who lie about "big business" -- those who shelter their money (and their consciences) in its many tax-free crevices.

Big business -- corporate America; has been treated like a single individual under our law(s). This means that the corporation has the same rights and privileges as each of us. It does not mean that human individuals should be hiding behind the corporate shield, as they undo economic theory (a fair wage for a fair amount of work?), resist social change (same sex ...whaaaaa?), and generally help themselves to the many fruits of America's consistently rising productivity. Big business is so very small-minded and narcissistic that they see only their own shiny images reflected in the pools of sweat from "real workers" that flood the landscape.

This is the time of year when "year end" bonuses are handed out to bankers, investors, and wall-street gurus -- who have managed to hold back the cries of millions of underpaid workers, for one more year.  Profits accrue on the backs of workers -- who are robbed of one more benefit (like legitimate unemployment compensation, or full promised pensions, or periodic raises to keep up with inflation) -- and these profits amount to "blood money" -- stolen from all of the rest of us.

Debate for Democrats

Clearly, Hillary Clinton's expertise and composure won the first of the Democratic Presidential debates last evening.  It wasn't even close.

There were oddities: Former Senator Jim Webb (Virginia?) had an odd admission about killing a Vietnamese soldier back in his Vietnam war days -- that was the "biggest enemy he had ever made" (an odd enough question to have to answer made 'odder' by his very strange answer and his "smile" afterwards). Yikes.

Bernie Sanders looked and sounded like an old-time Liberal/Progressive "firebrand" -- not really a leader --and someone who would paralyze Congress even more than it is. O'Malley (Governor of Maryland) sounded like a Hillary supporter; and Lincoln Chafes (once a liberal Republican, then an Independent, then finally a Democrat running for President) just sounded "old" and "confused."

Hillary stole the show by being solid; straightforward; relaxed; and even a bit gleeful.

Debate Night

This evening marks the first "debate" for the Democrats in the 2016 Presidential Election cycle. It would be nice if this exercise would result in a discussion of real issues rather than the garbage produced in the Republican debate(s). No "ad hominem," no ridiculous charges, no defamation of another candidate's position so one can "easily attack it," no garbage thinking!!!!

Our politicians have not shown themselves to be very bright bulbs in the past decade or so. They have "dumbed down" their arguments (and  then the media has made such "arguments" into talking points). The world is dumb enough already -- it doesn't need any help to misinterpret and overstate.
The voters will decide -- at any rate -- so let's just "present" the information, not proselytize it as divine truth.

Ain't No Sunshine...

Nope, there sure ain't!  It's been cloudy and crappy outside all day except for a few moments early this morning. What's going on?

Tomorrow, the weathermen say. Tomorrow it will be sunny!! Prove it I say. Prove it. WE HAVE BEEN LIED TO BEFORE! WE...need the sun. Please, we just need it.

When it's sunny out my energy redoubles and rebounds outwards in all directions. When it's like this -- it's time to crawl into bed for a nap, regardless of the time of day. Regardless.

I hope somehow to see the sun a lot more in days ahead. Or my mood will deteriorate to the Ohio Winter phase of life -- when despair is the highest form of expression.  Fargo has nothing on me.

Brian and Jeanne Home in NY

Hopefully Brian and Jeanne had a wonderful time in Savannah. I was only able to spend one night with them (at the Olde Pink House) but I'm sure that was all the time they needed with an old teacher/friend. After all they were in Savannah for their 25th Anniversary, not to see me.

The weather was only partially cooperative --- lots of mist, light drizzle, and fog --- and one pure day of Savannah Fall Sunshine. That was too bad -- but these days with weather; you "takes what ya gets."  Today promises still a bit more "moisture" and then a coming dry spell that should last all week in Savannah -- that would be nice.

I am looking forward to moving this week along -- lots of things to get to in my classes; and the Democratic Debate from Vegas on Tuesday night. Should be interesting; I hope.  First chance to see Hillary measured up against the other candidates -- but no Joe Biden (at least for now).
This election is one for the books. The Republicans have so many "crazies" running that it mocks the entire process and makes America look even weirder than it is. Yikes.

Everyday Violence

School shootings are out there every day --- this time at Northern Arizona University; ordinary fight turns into heated gun battle. Probably no mental illness involved -- just anger, and alcohol, and stupidity.

My gun is bigger than your gun. Are the "gun owners" of America ever going to stand up and resist the NRA's predilection to "arm everyone" for "safety sake?" We ask American Muslims to stand up against the ISIS forces, and the crazed Jihadists (of whatever ilk) -- and yet good, solid American hunters are so afraid of gun regulations ("from my cold dead hand") that they resist any meaningful reform. Until the final "shoot out" no doubt!

Welcome, Brian and Jeanne (and Lafayette)

As part of preparing my "head" for a dinner with Brian and Jeanne, former students of mine from Lafayette College, I went online yesterday to review some of those people (and times) during the late 80's and early 90's where I toiled under extreme pressure under the auspices of the pseudo-English Department of Laff-a-lot college.  Some of the same Professors are still there -- though now there is an actual theatre AB major -- something that had been suggested long ago -- and the same person who replaced me then is still there now. The program promises high scholarship and professionalizing classes -- saw none of that in the course descriptions. The program itself is at the level of Armstrong Atlantic State University here in Savannah -- with the exception of more money for visiting "big name" guests.

The was always the Lafayette way -- big names in lieu or real innovation, easy solutions in place of doing the work necessary within the profession to succeed. Why is it that most of the success from that programs comes not from this new program-- but from my struggling years there? Why is that -- David Johnson? Why is that June Schluetter, or James (Criminal Minds) Wooley? Scholarship? Hardly. But seemingly scholarly? Always.  

Issues of Life

I worry about: women's rights, fascism among the Republicans, crazy gun owners, violence between rival gangs, crime against the helpless, refugees, immigrants, slavery, human trafficking, corrupt politicians, the continuing rise and control of Capitalism in America, declining hope, declining morality, the death of religion, the false hope of human self-declared Spiritualism, abuse, family dissolution, the arrogance of the knowing, the ignorance of the majority, what entertains me, what is essential to a "good life," what is lacking in a "normal life," sex, sexual abuse, the loss of beauty, the death of happiness, depression, worry, despair, anger, life without meaning, death without life, the end of thinking, the regrets of life!

What do you worry about?

Breakfast All Day

McDonalds is making another paltry change to try and shore up their diminishing business.  Breakfast all day will not save McDonalds -- the corporate changes necessary to change McDonalds have not even been dreamed of yet.

The "taste" of everything they serve needs to be updated --- improved --- reinvented. Everything tastes the same --- the hamburgers taste the same (unchanged regardless of the tweaks they try to introduce), the fries taste the same (too salty and unhealthily greasy), the drinks taste the same (will somebody please clean those spigots, spouts, and lines?) I don't believe Mickey D's will be around 10 years from now -- and the world will be mostly healthier for it.

Yup, Still a Bit Wet Out

The rain keeps drizzling down -- and we will probably have had 3-5 inches of rain over the past several days while some spots in South Carolina will exceed 30 inches during the same time span.  That's why they are calling this a "1000 Year Flood." No joke; it truly is!

Charleston was flooded badly -- schools were closed and streets were impassable. The seawall was breached and salt water flooded the "downtown" (battery, I think they call it) at high tides and then it stayed flooded because there was no place for the floodwaters to go.  It will take some strong drying winds moving from the land to the ocean to clear the coastal towns of South Carolina.

In the meantime at least one major damn was overtopped upriver in Columbia, South Carolina -- which will insure increased flooding on river plains in South Carolina for at least the next 5-7 days. The last time "that" happened the many commercial pig farms in South Carolina were flooded putting millions of gallons of "pig wastes" out into the general countryside via the flooding rivers. They are trying to avert that very disaster as I write this. Good luck to them!

This weather has been a nightmare for those who have lost homes, businesses, and even loved ones to the floods. Lots of "flood repair" will be going on for some time -- and "disaster areas" have been declared throughout South Carolina and parts of Georgia. Considering this "storm" affected a very large area it was probably worse than any hurricane could have been.

Raining Still

Forty days and forty nights of rain? Maybe. Lots of people are losing cars, homes, and time in South Carolina right now.  Their rain totals have to be inconceivable. Ours in Savannah were just "high normal."

We are due to clear up by Wednesday -- I hope it happens. We need some decent weather.

Student "Alumni" Coming in October

Brian Carr and Jeanne Naughton Carr are coming into Savannah, hopefully on the 8th of October.
There is or will be a hurricane between Tarrytown, NY and Savannah, GA where they live so lets
just "pray" it goes by us all before then.

Brian and Jeanne are one of the few couples I sort of keep in touch with from the Lafayette years -- except of course for Dick and Polly Kendrick. So, it would be good to "catch up" with all things Lafayette alumni. It is their 25th Wedding Anniversary.

Weather Turning Crazy...Again

The new hurricane Joaquin is now a level 3 --- perhaps soon to be a 4.  It may hit NYC or it may drift out to sea and become a "fish storm." No matter what it's going to bring 12-18 MORE inches of rain to the greater Charleston, SC area -- not a good thing for beach erosion, downed trees, loss of power, etc.

And the "hits" just keep on coming!  It is raining here in Savannah, GA as the edge of the Gulf rains track through our area -- this is the system that is keeping Joaquin "away" from Savannah, but at the same time is saturating our grounds too. This system will be punch l of a 2-punch set of circumstances that will hit areas from the Chesapeake North, and may once again inundate NYC and points North of that.

Not so good for all my friends in NYC! And even my "former friends" in Washington, D.C.!

Joaquin Nearby

Five more days of rain -- but no hurricane in our laps, thanks to a cold front dipping down from the Midwest and fending off the "bad weather" and keeping it mostly out to sea.

The Mid-Atlantic and the Northeast might get "more than we will get -- at least in terms of rain and tidal swell."

We really don't need a hurricane in Savannah -- anytime; but especially now.

Tomorrow World 2015?

Another pretentious rock concert (last weekend in Atlanta) ends is rain, slop, miserable conditions and danger to several hundred thousand "fans." Stupid never changes.

From Woodstock onward there has been a steady parade of small-time promoters aiming for the "big bucks" by renting a cow pasture, setting up a temporary stage wired beyond belief, and then falling victim to their own lack of planning. "What if it rains?" often never enters the picture and so the chances of a real tragedy proliferate.

This is yet another example of why we need serious regulations of "promoters" and "entrepreneurs" who don't know squat.

Deans

I currently have a Dean who, like some teachers, is always on the lookout for new talent. He is easily impressed by a speech, presentation, or poster session at some conference and then brags to his current staff how wonderful it would be if this new "genius" could be on board with us. He, at the same time, overlooks and underplays his current staff, and exists in a kind of "fools paradise."

Teachers who are always looking for the next class to provide "real students" are in the same boat. Both attitudes say something about people like the Dean. To be a Dean is to ignore the present and hope for a future that will not happen, apparently.  And somehow be satisfied as well.  

Complete College America

Perhaps the largest "public relations" sham ever launched against the college system in America is the not-for-profit "Complete College America." Armed with statistics gleaned from census reports and various educational foundation reports -- they have played the "state legislatures" of many states for establishment fools.

By redefining educational success as high graduation rates this foundation has convinced the legislators that quicker graduation means better jobs and more jobs! No proof for either of these two claims others than the "common sense" approach used by Republican business concerns for years. The Republican elite doesn't want a well-educated America -- they want an American public that is "just educated enough" to take the many low and middle range jobs that American business has to offer. Corporate giants want fodder: assemblers, electronic overseers, lower-level management, and the lower-than-that level of jobs that proliferate in American factories and even white collar corporate structures. More people working is more tax dollars; more tax dollars benefit government, regardless of the degree of satisfaction achieved by the "new working force."

The highest paying jobs will go, not to graduates of two year schools; but to graduates of four year schools who also have a liberal education and can solve problems and view growth critically. America and Americans have been played for a fool -- by American and World business.  Capitalism at work!!

The Changing Shape of Everything

Politics just isn't the same. The Catholic Church (and religion in general) just isn't the same. Morality and ethics just aren't the same. And here we sit.

I hope I can weather all this change -- and could so so even if the worst happens, and "the Donald" becomes "the President." I must admit I did not even consider that possibility when the election cycle started -- and now I wonder if even that ultimate awfulness could be feasible.

This is how the world ends -- not with a bang, but a "Trump whine."

New Audience

I have become a new audience member for the two sisters who sing -- Emerson Rhudy and Kate Rhudy. Along time ago in Charlotte I was a friend to their Mom Jane -- and a "partner" to their Grandmother Nancy in the theatre production company known as "MANNA..."

I knew all of the Nixon family but I shared some things in common with Jane -- she was a runner (much better than I was; but I ran as well); she was into massage/therapy (I was a "shiatsu" practitioner); she lived in Charlotte (as did I -- I worked at UNCC just like David Nixon her Dad did).
When Nancy Nixon died (some time later) I had already left Charlotte and was living in Savannah, GA with my wife Sheila, and starting a bed-and-breakfast. I remember the last time I talked with Nancy-- on the phone; several months before she died. She was hopeful but resigned to her fate at that point -- I wanted to be there but for many, many reasons -- mostly emotional -- but I couldn't be. I am glad the "family tree" now includes two more artists, this time in music, but fully representative of the talent of the Nixon/Rhudy tree of life.

Long Days at Work End HARD

Americans work way too much. Too many hours. Too few real vacations. Too little respite from the constant and unending stress!  I hate it; and yet I have become used to it all.

As have most working Americans. We have been brainwashed by fear and worry that somehow we will lose our jobs if we arrive at work a half hour late  (or leave ten minutes early). It is a vicious and
and cruel cycle of excess with no recourse. No respite. No stoppages.

And the result -- a paranoid and orderly work force, sans creativity, sans individuality, sans growth. And the rich factory owners and upper level administrators get richer -- and the rest of us; well, the rest of us just get deader.

Being Aware

Are Americans aware enough? Do they know the Prime Minister of China is "in town" and eager to help American businesses with "cyber security" (the height of ironies)? Or, as usual, does the American public just "goes along to get along" without understanding, knowing, or even perceiving on some vague level what is going on with the world?

The Pope is in Washington -- on the way to NYC to address the United Nations. Is that a big deal to most Americans? Or are they do busy tweeting and "social-media'ing" to really pay attention? I fear for all of us because of our disengagement and our stupid and stunningly callous ignorance.
If we don't know it; we think it probably isn't happening; or at the very least it can't affect me!  Heads in the sand -- you bet!

Pope and the Prime Minister

Both the Vatican and China will be well-represented in Washington D.C. as Pope Francis and Prime Minister Xi Jinping each visit the US this week.

It means that traffic will be horrible -- American politics will be shoved into the background just a bit; and Americans in general will scratch their heads (and their asses) and wonder what the heck all the fuss is about. These are important events -- not the final events of the world; but momentous ones.
Few Americans recognize that the world is much wider than their street, much less their town, or their State, or their "time," or their moment. The world is as wide as we can take in. It is beyond our easy understanding. The world is history, mankind, life, just floating by. Catch it if you can!

A Not-So-Elegant Day

Things just seem "off" today: the weather (cool but very humid, temp's dropping), the students (very few on campus -- where did they all go?), the traffic (is there a hurricane coming or something?), and just about everything else as well.

Don't know why such days happen. Sunspots perhaps? A fluctuation in the earth's magnetic field? Just plain "out-of-sortness" visited upon us by an unknown force? Too little sleep? All of the above?

No Victories

I am not facing the inevitable and continuing problem of "dropping students" who have bitten off more than they can chew.  It is not possible to take three classes, work full time, and take care of three children (two of who are still in diapers) -- and do all simultaneously.  There really is nothing for a professor to do but "drop" that student.

You can't "shave assignments" or stop coming to class and expect to pass the course, no matter what the policy of the school. It just can't work that way.

Friday Blues

It's raining -- it's cool (like 65 degrees) -- and I have to be at school for a Professional Development (not so professional not so developmental) session that will last (interminably) all morning.

I think the world is just gone a little more amuck than usual. Bureaucracies think that they are efficient machines of administration; individuals truly think that they are "listening to God" when they honor their own selfish desires; and the world accepts all of this hypocrisy because it seems there is no viable alternative.

Human Sexuality a NO-NO?

One of my elder students yesterday gave an Informative Speech about "human relationships" and how to insure that they are "strong and forever." He is a former soldier, now between construction jobs, who has gone back to school. His speech has the "leanings" of a secular Baptist preacher with lots of "politically correct" language about love, respect, lack of jealousy, etc.

When he had concluded his speech I asked the group if there were any elements of human male-female relationships (his subject matter) that had been left out. "No, no -- he pretty much said everything, I guess!" was their answer. When I brought up the fact that he had not mentioned "sex" at all people looked at me with this shocked expression on their faces. "Sex" -- sex in human relationships? It was like they were incapable of really understanding the driving emotions, desires, and foci of our lives.

I know I live in the South -- but -- "come on." If adults can't talk about "sex" when they talk about keeping relationships together -- what has the world come to? Is "political correctness" more important than "truth?"

Migrant Crisis Earthshaking; Or It Should Be

Millions of people have been on the move: from Syria, and Iraq, and Iran, and Afghanistan, and Libya, and Egypt, sundry countries in Central and Northern Africa, and everyplace where there is war -- and starvation -- and death -- and no hope.

Already Europe quakes with the changes these "migrants" (refugees, illegal aliens, immigrants, etc.) will bring. Old laws of "free access" (EU borderless union) will fade -- as a new Nationalism will force populations to preserve their own. And compassion will take a back seat -- to fear; once again.
And Lincoln's statue and the Statue of Liberty will both weep. "Give us no more -- no matter how they yearn to be free. Give us no more!" Can tolerance and sharing survive the onslaught of fear and self-protection? Can we remain human -- when humanity, like a carelessly left-behind Teddy Bear, gets left next to a Hungarian highway? Can the world survive its own tremendous cruelties?

In the Early Morning Rain...

The title to this blog-post comes from "60's folk song" of sorts.  I remember the lyric particle because I once sang it in a club in Rome -- oh so many years ago. The second line is "with a dollar in my hand; and an achin' in my heart." That's all I care to remember though I do actually know the chord progressions on a guitar -- should I ever need to use them again.

It's raining here in Savannah: all day, all dark!!! Like a tropical paradise without the "paradise" part.
My RSS feed from the Hurricane Center says the "season" may be nearly over for 2015 --- El Nino has apparently killed the Atlantic Hurricane season. Always good news for us homeowners!

I am listening to "informative speeches" today (and tonight during the Republican "debate(s)"). And that's my day -- as I see it at this early hour.

In the Mind of God

Human beings have "free will" -- if we are to believe what Thomas Aquinas told us, and Plato, and others. We can decide of our own "bat" how to act, what to do, what is right or wrong, what is moral.

And the world can only laugh -- or cry. Because we are "free."  "Condemned to be free" if you believe what the existentialists tell us. Because there are "right pathways" but in one sense every choice is "wrong" and none of them leads to perfection. We are "condemned to be free" because we will make "wrong decisions." But if there is no "pure objective arbiter" of right or wrong -- we are, in another sense, always "right." So, we are always right -- and always wrong. And totally free -- and yet chained to mistakes. And so it goes.

Levels of Confidence

Students are sooooo strange.  Some are confident (without any knowledge); and others are knowledgeable (without any confidence). 

I have dealt with both types -- and in extreme situations. It's easier to build up someone's confidence than it is to build up their knowledge. With adding knowledge -- inspiration and desire becomes the big possibility. Students have to want to know -- and enjoy knowing -- to do the work necessary to actually know. 

So Tired of American Football

Talk about a short love affair!  I am now officially "tired of American Football": concussions, DraftKings, Fantasy Football, hyper-advertizing, pre-game nonsense shows put on before other pre-game nonsense shows, sports analytics, experts, pseudo-experts, former players posing as experts,
injuries, premature deaths, the sport actually "dying" in from of us, too many games, too many games on too many nights, "aging" (at 39, at 33, at whatever age) quarterbacks, "aging" running backs, too-clever coaches, ridiculous network money chasing a sport cloned by Madison Avenue ---- !!!

I'm ready for a hiatus from football!  It will be the same after the first week of "over-hyped" college basketball in November! Yikes.

9/11 Rue the Day, Jihadists!

Would we, as Americans, fight to the death to preserve our freedoms -- our uniqueness -- our opportunities -- our laws -- our culture -- our diversity -- our tolerance -- our oddball celebrities -- our damnable refusal to change -- our productivity -- our creativity -- our compassion -- our future?

I hope to hell we would.

Silly Women; Silly Girls

The twitter generation basks in its own self-delusion. They talk about their innermost feelings and desires (on on public medium), and think that "only their friends on twitter" are listening.
Anyone can "listen"; anyone can overhear; anyone can gauge the depth and/or reality of one's remarks.

And in the future -- employers will see those strange conversational threads about "f___boys" and gratuitous "d__k" and wonder where all the civility and normalcy of the world went.  It's one thing to complain about things, or long for things, or desire things -- it's another matter entirely when on coarsens the conversation by blurting out all the "street" and "bar" language one knows.  Life is not, I repeat, not, high school.

NFL Football 2015 Begins Today

Well, today being Thursday marks the opening of the 2015 NFL Season with New England playing Pittsburgh.  It's called the "Sunday Night Game" because it's on NBC (which produces Sunday Night Football), a late imitator of the popular "Monday Night Football" which broke free from the typical Sunday afternoon schedule to give us "Monday Night Football" on Mondays (and Thursdays, of course) --- got all that.

Only in American would games be called not on their actual play dates but on their intended corporate communication mogul dates! Nonetheless I will be watching, until I get sleepy and fall asleep (my typical response to "late games" that often go on past midnight). It is the season after all.  

Internet Future?

It's very hard for my students to understand the concept that: "the Internet is the future of all professions."  But that fact is not only true; it is etched in stone. All business and money transfers, all buying and selling, all retraining and refitting for employment, all employment applications, all loan and real estate applications, all growth opportunities within corporations --- all of the above will be facilitated, enabled, and actually done "online" (or on whatever will pass for online 10 years from now).

Business, professions, education and life are all dynamic art forms. Get used to change people!  It is happening all around you.

Rowan County, Kentucky

People actually think that the "devil" is out there in the guise of the US government, and that is is trying to wrest their sacred Bible from their hands. Imagining all kinds of Federal interference, the simple people are trying to create enemies: the government (first they wanted to get my "still"; now my Bible); the Gays (doing all that "sick stuff" with each other, and then my kids); other Christians/Jews/all Religions (don't understand how we simple Christians have been persecuted--forget the holocaust).

And that's the Republican narrative -- from people like Huckabee and Santorum (Republican opportunists to the max) and others. It is a horrible and deceitful narrative -- lies told to perpetuate fear, and then revolution. Cynically the Republicans persist in these lies (and many others, mostly about current president Obama) to create a backstory of invective and prejudice. The world has, in many ways, gone a bit off the rails.

Religious Intolerance

If a Jihadist is trying to kill me -- I will not be tolerant of his/her religion!  If some loony right-wing Christian wants me to "kneel and pray with them" because the "end of the world is nigh" -- I will not be tolerant of his/her religion!

I consider myself to be spiritual -- to understand and believe in a power that is greater than me -- to be tolerant of others.  I see those elements most often in the saying and teachings of the Dalai Lama, above all other churches, religions, and religious leaders. My Buddhism is thus of the practical kind -- the kind that relates one human being to another.

I am comfortable with being called a Christian because like all Buddhists, I believe that Jesus was a great man, and perhaps more -- as I am free to believe. I do not know for sure that Jesus is God!  Why not? I do not trust the witnesses -- the books of the Bible, so errant/so selective/so misogynistic! I do not trust the "priests" and "reverends" who interpret the Bible, so self-serving/so selfish/so arrogant. I label myself a "ko-shinto buddhist" -- a buddhist not just intent on the "journey of life" but on all the influences and powers along the way.

Worry Over a Faculty Person in Trouble

You would think that a professor has the right to use his/her own chosen texts to teach a college class in any discipline that professor is expert in. In 1990 you would be right. Not in 2015!

Now however the "luddites" are back in power!  These "luddites" not only oppose technology, they oppose the very idea of any kind of innovation. Their ears ring when they hear language used in ways they can't decipher; they hate anything that they cannot immediately understand; they refuse to accept the idea that their canon is not total, complete, and unassailable.

When that "luddite" has the power to "hire and fire" at an educational institution -- then that "person" becomes a threat to anything that is new or smart.

We have a professor who uses "Punk Rock" to help interpret basic psychology to his students.  He even has his own textbook which is used in our school as a supplemental text. And we also have an Administrator who is an arch-conservative ---- hence, the problem.  

  

End Times

Here in the US we have lots of simple Bible literalists who insist that -- as they read the Scriptures -- we are approaching "End Times" -- the end of the world as predicted in Revelations. Not only is this a presumptuous "reading" of the Bible; it is also a thinly-veiled approach to justifying their own egotistical sense of importance in matters of Faith.

Faith, in or out of any religions, is a complex and every-varying composite of world events, environment, and personal focus. To base "government" or "personal life" decisions on one's perception of the coming "end times" really show a person who is not coherent in their view of the universe, God, and human endeavours.

We have politicians (Michelle Bachman for instance) who thinks our diplomatic relations with the State of Israel should be based on her own "clear" (read "crazed") perceptions of the near onset of the "end of the world." This is the raving of a self-proclaimed prophet; a soothsayer of self; a human "selfie" seeking justification and support from all the world ("wishing can make it come true").  Often our own ignorant arrogance as human beings is stupefying.  

Incredible and Disgusting Horror

There is a viral photograph posted today showing what looks like an Italian policeman on the shore of the Mediterranean picking up the "body" of a tiny dead boy, who had no doubt died in one of the overcrowded boat sinkings of "migrants" fleeing death in Libya, Syria and all points South of Italy.
It is both a touching and a disgusting moment as we viewers realize that this policeman knows that he is picking up a child caught in the ignorant crossfire between nations, between religions, between ways of life.

Is life now so cheap that we don't care at all that so many are losing theirs? Are we as  immune to death and suffering as we once were to simple unfairness? The world has become a refugee kind of place -- herds of people on the move, seeking anying ---- anything that might be better for them. And not yet finding that "anything."

Molehill

I create monsters -- out of molehills. Large problems out of small words. Huge overhanging cataclysmic episodes out of tiny moments. 

I want to fight what the world gives me -- most always losing in the process. I want to see things in clear bright tones -- avoiding the greys that predominate. I want to consider the "right" or the "wrong" of things -- and usually don't get to that point.  

Blog

A "blog" is a weblog -- basically a notebook online. It may contain the hidden thoughts of a person or it may just be drivel. It might include all his angry ideas -- or the "popcorn" opinions of a genius -- or the active meanderings of a typical person on a "moronic" kind of day. Or all of the above.

Garbage, or genius? Considered opinion, or random thought? And what's the difference to you the reader?

Does the blog entertain -- even just sometimes? Or is it always dull. If it IS dull to you --- stop reading it. If it sometimes hits a deeper strain -- keep at it, and hope for the best.

I like blogs like I like other people's "twitter" accounts -- sometimes raunchy, sometimes telling secrets, sometimes filling in the blanks or collecting the dots! I don't want to be on twitter myself, mind you; but I like peeking at the inside of someone I know just a little -- especially if they are active "tweeters."  

Pain, Learning, Growth

Have you ever asked yourself: "What have I learned today?" It's a difficult but important question. We can and should learn something every day -- without fail, without omission, without even consciously thinking about it.

Learning is what human beings do!  Sometimes that learning is incidental to something else -- sometimes it is essential. Today I had my students give an impromptu speech about their "opinion on public nudity, fashion, and dress codes in work/school situations!"  This is a relatively "light" topic but it is a key indicator into what generation each student identifies with. The opinion also comes from: career choice and profession, whether one has kids or not, whether one is in a relationship or not, what one's religious background consists of.

It's fascinating to see how many zealots and puritans we have in the South.  They make exceptions for Miley Cyrus (VMA Awards last night) but not for other people -- or for themselves.  

Shooting and Death

There was an "argument" in the Student Union at Savannah State University late last night -- resulted in the shooting and death of a student at the hands of another student, who has yet to be found.  Even though there were a number of people near the incident it appears the "shooter" may be hiding in the Campus Commons apartment complex on campus, in plain sight of everyone.

Perhaps the students nearby don't want to "give him up" to police? Perhaps the "shooter" has people terrified of what might happen to them if they reveal his location? For God's sake people -- give him up! A death by gunfire in a simple student argument is only a precursor of what could happen in the future. Don't let life on campus become like a Charles Bronson revenge movie!

Stock Market

Hopefully people did not "sell everything they had" during the recent downturn in the stock market, because if they did so, they lost a lot of money.  Market corrections must be endured and not be the cause of "panic selling."

Learn to be patient; learn to be smart; learn to be vigilant without being afraid -- too much.

Erika Coming

Next week Savannah is likely to get lots of rain from either Hurricane Erika or Tropical Storm Erika.
It is approaching Florida this weekend and then will make the turn left or right to the Gulf or along the Atlantic Florida coast. If it picks the Florida coast side we in Savannah will see tons of rain from it (rain just like the past three days only more constant) and/or hopefully no wind or tidal damage.

This is the time of year I don't really like -- the time everyone in Savannah worries about landfalling hurricanes.

The US Stock Market and China

There are lots of poor fools who think that China "owns" the US because it has bought a lot of US "paper" -- government bonds, T-Bills, and even property in the US. That does not mean we are in any way dependent on China -- except to pay our payout dates on bonds, and be good stewards of our own economic growth.  When the US market is so nervous it drops 2000 points over several weeks because China's economy is finally "slowing down" from its "artificial rate of growth" (Shanghai Composite, etc.) and is devaluing its own currency (to catch up with the "truth" of its own growth or lack thereof) then the US market is being run by thieves for fools!!!

Our markets are strong -- our workforce is working well -- our businesses are mixed: some are working brilliantly (Apple, Tesla, Pixar, Chevron, etc. etc. etc.) and some are just working very well (Google, Johnson and Johnson, Exxon, etc. etc. etc.) ---- but, and this is a big but, none of them is in "trouble."  

Morning Glory

Yes, I could be a "morning person" if I really had to be.  When I ran my bed-and-breakfast I was up well before six AM to prep and cook breakfast, make the coffee, make sure the table and front parlor were set up, etc. Now that I am a teacher again (stuck with an 8:00 AM class) I can still get up at 5:30 and do all the necessary things before I head off to class.

When I quit working and finally retire -- I will probably want to get up early just to enjoy every minute of the day -- we have so few days in our limited lifespans. But, right now sometimes getting up early is really a pain in the "tuchus" (except for coffee).

This morning as I stopped for coffee at Parker's Downtown -- I hung back for a moment and just witnessed how many people were up and about -- stopping for breakfast just like I was, even sitting at outdoor tables in the pre-dawn darkness, and certainly looking up at a newly born blue sky (as I was).
It was all so very reassuring.

The "Rush" is On

Second day of classes but first day of Tuesday-Thursday classes and the "rush" is on: to get textbooks, to get a parking spot close to the school, to get to classes when you don't know the buildings and you think "this is just like high school, isn't it; all in one building?"  Students will wander around looking at room numbers and be totally confused -- then ask you: "excuse me, but do you know where they are teaching English?"

I would suggest Poland, or Sweden maybe. "What class are you looking for?" English! What's the number? Like I think it's 100 or something!  There is no English 100!  No, you sure?

Did they give you a slip of paper with your registration? Yup. What does it say? M7000! That's the building number. It's also go 7311 on it -- oh, I get it; that's the room number right? Yup. So where is 7311?  Third floor this building. Thanks!

First Day of Classes

So far -- the classes look varied, vibrant, and fun. They have wide backgrounds in all sorts of things:
lots of military, an artist or two, an opera singer, etc. etc.

I am looking forward to a fun semester. More to come.

Market Maelstrom

The stock market is down "big" today, after a full week last week of being down!  And the panic among the sheep is on.

401k's are sliding, ETF's are sliding, Stocks are sliding!!

And all because China is "slowing down"?  How ridiculous! How inane!!

Continuing Misery...

Upper level administration at our institution (which shall go nameless) is once again haranguing underlings and menials for the steady drop in enrolment.  Even though our "advertising" efforts have been lacklustre at best and simply not there at worst.

What are the obvious reasons for a downturn in enrolment at a technical college?  Competition from other technical colleges would be #1. Competition from four-year institutions would be another. An increasingly stable and even improving job market would be a third. Lack of "image penetration" and a "marketing plan" suitable for the current generation would be a fourth. Lack of consistent "forward thinking" approaches to programming and faculty/staff satisfaction would be a fifth. And the list goes on and on. And this list has not even delved into "student reviews" on Yelp! and other media.

We have lost three full-time faculty in General Studies, and twice that number in part-time and adjunct faculty, just this term. Why so many? Work load is outrageous; concern for faculty welfare is non-existent; mismanagement is at its height!!!

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

There is a stance we all take, as individuals, to our own lives. We decide our own value in the world; we determine our worth by our effort and consistency in fulfilling our own chosen breathless goals.

We are our own "makers." We have free will; given by God  (or god), or fate, or our own inkling of life's incredible value. We are responsible -- for all of it.  No blame on our "corrupt nature" (born in sin?); or our simplistic brains ("I'm only human, after all"); or on some imagined place in the "chain of being" -- is a worthy-enough excuse for our ridiculous pretentious claim of no-responsibility.  If you are a sinner -- own up to it. If you are a disciple of Machiavelli -- be true to it. If you are a hateful bitch -- be that. And then take whatever consequences will come.

We are not "masters of our future" no matter how hard we pretend to be -- unless we live the present as fully as we live the future  and as we live our origins. We are wonderfully human -- enjoy it!

Pheromones?

Several companies sell "body wash" for men that is "infused with pheromones" guaranteed to interest members of the opposite sex. The stuff works.

It doesn't do "all" the work for you but it certainly begins the process of meeting, responding, and/or talking to members of the opposite sex. I am amazed that the stuff actually works.

Registration a Disaster

Once again the computers we were supposed to be using were not updated; the software programs (Banner INB and Degreeworks) had both been "reconfigured" the previous weekend and were not quite ready; all our Passwords had to be "reset" because our Java Script was the wrong type: etc. etc. etc. Thank you STC for increased stress, anger, and disappointment -- as well as wasting the time of a lot of professionals who could better be preparing for classes.

I can honestly chronicle that we have not had a semester "open registration" without these kinds of disasters -- 15 straight semester (or quarters)-- a continuing shame and embarrassment.  

Dinner with Tosha and Dawn at Crab Shack

Had dinner with "the girls" still in their bikinis and cotton cover-up's. They of course were a bit sunburned (5 hours on Tybee Beach) -- and "sticky."

We did have a great conversation -- lots of seafood, shrimp, and ambiance.  Dawn is indeed divorced (as of May of 2015) and it hurts -- her eyes were teary as she talked about it, while Tosha told her "how well she was doing" (it's what a friend tells a friend no matter what).  Dawn has her real estate license and has moved in with her Mom -- I have no contact information (Tosha is promising to get "that stuff" to me -- she never remembers).

Tosha is teaching 2 classes at DePaul and one at Green Shirt Theatre (school?) -- the latter being a scene class. No bar work for Tosha in September (though she'll still stop by since Chris is working there now).

Dawn is trying to do "stand-up comedy" in Atlanta -- I'd actually like to see her do that, she is a very funny improvisational actress; I think she could do a good Amy Schumer type act in stand-up.  Maybe I'll get a chance on one of my trips near Atlanta.  

Ukraine, USA, Russia?

Saw a small report -- maybe on Reuters -- that American advisers were training Ukrainian forces.
That plus new "night goggle" equipment has given the Ukrainian forces some leeway in the "who rules the night" mode of fighting made famous by American forces in Iraq, Afghanistan, and elsewhere.

Putin is noticeably upset by the specter of Americans anywhere near the Russian border, but especially inside the borders of "conquered" territory adjacent to  Donetsk, or along the Crimean border, etc. Could Putin actually be the spark of a new cold war; a new faceoff between Russia and the US? Is he that audacious, that risky, that stupid? Probably!

Since my friend Matthew has switched schools and is now ensconced at Savannah State University -- I don't get to discuss the "war-non-war" in Ukraine much anymore. It is still the firing line of a new reality that does not include the Muslim question, but supersedes the jihadist "revolution" and the crazy Christian desire for "end times" politics. Russia is still our biggest potential enemy!    

Tosha and Dawn

Rumor has it that Tosha and Dawn are in town on a "girl's night out." Originally Tosha mentioned that I should "meet them for dinner" at the Crab Shack (Tosha's favorite 'missing home' restaurant).
The time is now 2:30 PM in the afternoon and I haven't heard whether the above is still the plan, or whether the plan has changed, or more likely --- there is no plan.

I figure that Tosha never cleared "going out to dinner" with Mel as a highlight of Dawn's trip to the Beach (2015), so probably Dawn just convinced Tosha to "blow it off" and stay at the Beach until late, and then maybe troll for men somewhere.

I understand more about both of them then they will ever know. And so it goes.

Condolences...Again

I sent a short email to Maureen Flora, a poet and English Teacher (and former friend)  who lives in Cardington, Ohio.  Her Mom Patricia passed away earlier this year, and even though Maureen and I are no longer "in touch" -- I just felt she might need a word of comfort and remembrance just these few months after her Mom died.

Maureen is probably now "taking care" of her Dad, a role she fully expected to step into once her Mom passed away.  They live on adjacent farms in Cardington -- but I'm sure Maureen has become a "second Mom" to her own Dad by now. It is the way of things in that family.

In the Morning...

The sky glows with distant color. The breeze freshens and cools homes through open windows. The birds flicker through dappled leaves outstretched and dew wet.

The sun almost refuses to rise and then reluctantly pokes above the skyline.  The warming air signals the start of a new day and marches onto the land. The day begins on a smooth outbreath.

The ocean stirs and the fish rise to break their fast. The tiny waves bristle over rocking pebbles in thin brine. The sand rolls back and forth, like sighs. And a child dips its clumsy foot in.

In distant soft beds -- we move in tandem with our own breathing.  

"Trophy Wife?"

What kind of ego does it take for a young woman to consider herself a "future trophy wife?" I am not sure but I do see such women "acting out" in my classes all the time.

It seems that the Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter universes have given us -- many of us -- an incredibly inflated view of our own beauty, intelligence, and future value to the real universe.  While I do think that a healthy ego is the key to a successful life -- I don't really think that Twitter or Instagram gives us a true reflection of our value as contributing humans.

Being on Twitter or one of the other social media confines and delimits the universe of experiences we should be getting.  This limitation is a like a "mirrored fun house" all reflecting our own image(s) back to us, and creating a sense of importance and beauty that far outstrips reality. A blonde slightly overweight single Mother considers herself a "trophy" wife because she has survived childbirth, has a coterie of middle-class friends like herself, and is spoiled ruthlessly both by her child and her parents --- who continue to take care of their little darling just as if she were still in high school. This slightly self-dazzled child somehow considers herself special -- just because she is spoiled and lucky.

She is special, but not for any of the reasons she thinks. She is special because she bears the burdens of expectation, but lacks the real will to work for it. She is special because she doesn't understand failure -- and so is doomed to experience the worst of it. Her own inflated ego destines her for failure.

Tosha, My Gosh-s, Tosha

Tosha is still struggling with the Managing Director problem at COR.  At a meeting last night she wasn't quite able to get him to resign immediately (he would like to stay until Jan and on the Board for a year after that).  Tough situation.

He's blaming Tosha in an open meeting for what "she did" and yet she knows all the things he "didn't do" which caused a raft of problems.

Yikes.

Sometimes you just have to be ruthless and get the person "out"; no matter how unpleasant that can be. I say that now, but I remember how difficult in was during my "halcyon days."

What's Up Tosha?

I don't think that my surrogate daughter, Tosha, reads my blog.  Nonetheless let this short note serve as a "subliminal, virtual, psycho-hypnotic message to her --- "let's connect."

What's up Tosha of COR Theatre, Chicago, Illinois?

Dawn's Dreary Light

Much to my chagrin, I have become a morning person. Before the sun, before the first cool pre-dawn breezes -- my eyes open to a grey and unforgiving truth.  I have become a morning person.

It was never something I sought; never something I desired. But it has happened nonetheless.  I have become a morning person.

Are there "perks" to this condition? Does one's life span increase dramatically? Does the body say --"yes, you are doing well; live longer than your "slugabed" neighbors!" "Much longer!" Nope! Nothing changes except you find yourself groping in the dark as you rise; stumbling a bit more than usual because of the shadows in the room; struggling to turn on the damn bathroom light! I have become a morning person. 

It was never my fondest dream -- but here it is. I have become a morning person.  

Buzzkill

Some people are just "buzzkills!"  They drain the life's blood out of all activities; they hinder all happy moments; they suck the life out of beautiful day.  Buzzkill!

I could name a number of people I now know who are consummate buzzkill. But I won't.  It would be hurtful and probably wrong (to say nothing of self-destructive). But I can certainly "think" it -- and I do.

Buzzkill!

Candidates (GOP) Forum in New Hampshire

Watched the bulk of the Republican field try to win the hearts of voters last night on Hearst/ABC stations. Questions came from the audience via a pretty good moderator and each candidate had two rounds of questions, and a 30 sec. "this is me" presentation to the audience both live and on tv.

Kasich probably came off as the most rational; Cruz the most delusional!  Rand Paul seemed a tolerable choice -- none of them will "get the nod." Carly Fiorina (?) the one time leader of HP seemed to out-male the males; while poor Jeb Bush just seemed tongue-tied at times. Too slow; too out of it; too behind the times. Most of the others -- including Pataki, Walker, Perry, etc. just seemed egotistical morons.

Ah, what an election this is going to be --- 16 months out and counting!!!!

Finished -- Self Appraisal

Today, Monday, I finished my "self-appraisal" -- which fortunately isn't due until tomorrow.  I was honest, thorough, and complete -- none of which will be much appreciated by anyone who might read it.

It is after all a "grading scale" with little regard for personality, achievement, or success. It is just a "quantifiable" instrument for keeping everyone motivated: numbers can't be too high or the person will just "relax" and do nothing {the anti-tenure argument}; numbers can't be too low or the person will get angry at the self-improvement regimen they will get.

The instrument in use by STC is slightly short of a 1980's business self-appraisal that you might give to warehouse workers at your plant in Reading, PA. It is not a form nor a format for professional self- appraisal.  And so it goes.