The quote from Shakespeare's history cycle (name that play!) always reminds me that I am entering the "time of horrible remembrance." It is the agonizing recollection of the final weeks and days of my wife's death -- She's death -- in Hospice Savannah. This year marks the ninth anniversary of that time -- and will, once again, plunge me into remembrance and self-doubt.
It was "not fair" that she died so young, and so horribly. It should have been me. It was "not right" that her life and the memory of her kindness and goodness should fade; she was "the best" among us.
It is not normal that time should thunder on, and cycle forward, without her gentle heart moving forward as well. I don't know if I believe in any kind of afterlife --- for myself --- but I certainly do hope and pray for one for She.
I cannot believe in a life-cycle that is so cold as to admit her death, without reasoning out the circumstances and history that caused it. She's Mom lost a daughter (and now she is gone as well); and I lost my life, my meaning, my hope for happiness. I realize that I am biding time here -- and giving myself purpose so that I have some; but I am not sure it is for any good reason.
No comments:
Post a Comment