I don't know what to do or say about an afterlife. I tend to believe, as most reformed Jews do, that it doesn't really matter --- there really is only now. If you live to "get into" heaven, perhaps you have given away your free will and are now only a religious automaton.
I never wanted to live to "make it to heaven." I believe that is the "way" of a selfish and foolish creature, who cannot live "in the moment," in "every moment" of life. I always believed it was better to "chew" life. I am sorry for the structured creatures who life "pro forma." I never ever wanted to be one of them.
If hell is the reward for "free --- truly free --- will;" then so be it. If hell is the proper end of a creature built with "free will" to choose or have doubts about choosing; then so be it. Give me hell or give me the life of a stone -- inert and unfeeling.
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