Heather, the new Boss

I would like to take a moment and publicly (if this is "publicly") acknowledge the skill and leadership skills demonstrated by my colleague --and replacement as Head of Social and Behavioral Sciences -- Ms. Heather Ramsey.  First, she is a terrific person.  Second, she is a practiced and thoughtful teacher. Third, she is just a "real" Mom, Wife, Colleague, Friend.

I know she will give her "best" to Savannah Technical College -- without straining against the leashes of a bureaucratic environment that has strangled more than its fair share.

She is the "best."

Twitter, the NEW FOREPLAY

Twitter, Instagram, Vine, etc. are multiple excuses for refusing to be a grownup. Men have accounts so they "trash" women and try to exert verbal superiority (which they don't have); women have accounts so that they can practice their anti-f___boys tirades, while secretly looking for some kind of relationship. It is a very sad testament to our times that "social media" are so in vogue.

Social media, as currently used by the youngish people of today, the media-savvy darlings, the past-it-but-don't-know-it kids out there "livin' da life" -- is a hodge-podge of meaningless gibberish. Worth a play about strange "ethos-cultures" --- but little else. I loathe to think about people hanging around these social media for any more than a year or two of "high school" posing. Life, love, and reality are all far greater than the pale reflection of same in social media.

Exams Mean Nothing in War Torn Countries

If you have lost all your property in the "disputed (read stolen) area of Ukraine;" if your children have been stolen from their Christian school by Boko Haram; if your family and friends are constantly harassed by white police officers wherever and whenever they gather in Baltimore --- then "exams" mean nothing to you.  As I watch my students take my final exam in Speech 1101 I realize that the world has given them so many gifts. They are so lucky; they are so blessed. 

They are not harassed; they are not threatened; they are not in danger of being killed. They are in America, which, for all its faults is still the best place to be in the world at this time. They are "free" to get an education, even if it costs them "real" money. They are alive; they have a future. Would that it could be thus for all the troubled people in the world    

House Saga

Once again I have a "low ball" offer on my house --- just a little tickler to see if I am disgusted enough to sell.  Perhaps, but not for an offer 45 % under value. 

No way. 

I'll die a pauper first. 

Trump is an ASS

The very thought that Donald Trump could/would be representing anyone besides his huge fat-a___d
ego is repulsive to me, and should be repulsive to any American citizen.

Donald Trump is a fool, an egomaniac, an "ad hominem" fallacy as a speaker, a jerk, a misogynist all the time, and too many more names to recall.  He would represent the US as President in America's worst possible light -- the ultimate Capitalist braggadocio!

All About Women

Women have always been a mystery to me.  They surprise me with their "coarseness" at times (see any Twitter page); they shock me with the depth of their anger often; they bedevil me with their uncanny ability to upset me with a mere word (or even a look askance). 

I have made it my life's mission to try and understand them. And so far, I give myself about a "D" in any ability to comprehend the feminine. Is it because I am exceptionally stupid? No. More like I am just exceptionally, and pitifully, male. What males don't get about females is... nearly everything.

Hence, never listen to what any male has to say about the feminine. It will always be a partial answer: incomplete and askew. And so it is. And maybe that is how it was meant to be. 

Rush to Life; Rush to...Oblivion

We are all in a hurry. We needn't be. The end will always come...in its own time.

We are still in a hurry -- to accomplish, to experience, to finish, to start, to be.  We are in a hurry because of time! It moves on without asking us; it changes us without our understanding how or why; it rearranges the pieces so that it is harder to play; it even "cheats" us with wayward events.

We are all in a hurry.  If we can reflect and slow the pace of the normal; we can experience all we are meant to experience. We can do it -- it we think, reflect, enjoy, play.

Curious Fact

I was introspectively looking back into my pre-marriage dating habits -- and discovered, to my amazement, that a number of the women I dated are now in same sex relationships in their 50's. Amazing to me, because at the time they were in their 30's -- they dated; were hardly monogamous, and gave off vibes of extreme sensuality: they were never shy.

It's true that nearly all were "artsy" types (actresses, singers, radio talent, etc.) -- and so anything was possible with them. But I just find it a bit shocking that all of them now seem to be in "committed but still secretive" lesbian relationships. I am not so dumb nor so arrogant to think I was the cause, or even was ancillary, to their self-discovery process. But I do see all this as a coming trend, and a corollary to my thinking on this matter.  

White women who have not gotten married -- find an "easier sexuality" in relationships, even carnal ones, with other women. If I were to state that this was not true of one or two of the women I dated -- but all five of the women I dated who subsequently never married.  I just find it odd. Very odd.

Perhaps I was drawn to their feminine desire for sensuality --- but for a number of reasons, many anatomical, could not fulfill that desire. Or perhaps they gave up on men -- as most of them did on me, passing me by for other men on their route to finally finding the "right woman."

Workload

Often I am just plain overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do!  Classes, administrivia, extras, more extras -- often put on the same damn due date, just because it seems convenient to the person in charge.

How can you fight this? You can't. You can only survive the rule of unthinking bureaucrats -- and play again tomorrow.

Heaven...or Hell?

I don't know what to do or say about an afterlife.  I tend to believe, as most reformed Jews do, that it doesn't really matter --- there really is only now.  If you live to "get into" heaven, perhaps you have given away your free will and are now only a religious automaton.

I never wanted to live to "make it to heaven." I believe that is the "way" of a selfish and foolish creature, who cannot live "in the moment," in "every moment" of life.  I always believed it was better to "chew" life. I am sorry for the structured creatures who life "pro forma." I never ever wanted to be one of them.

If hell is the reward for "free --- truly free --- will;" then so be it. If hell is the proper end of a creature built with "free will" to choose or have doubts about choosing; then so be it. Give me hell or give me the life of a stone -- inert and unfeeling.

Sex After ... Death?

I am learning that the death of a spouse is a psychological nightmare!  There are more than just the five stages of...grief; there are the ten stages of guilt; the 100 stages of regret; the 1000 stages of "mis-memories"; the 10000 stages of hesitancy about life moving forward; and the 100000 stages of stupidity about all previous stages.

I find myself in a number of psychological conundra. What to do about this friendship; or that new interest; or that old mistake! So many things to be sorry for. So many things to misremember. So many things to crawl under a rock for...

Is life nothing but regret? Are there real things to be proud of, to be happy for?  I wonder.

Still Thinking of Bertina (Tina)

What does a "relationship" take to succeed? Give and take? Tolerance? Sexual attraction? Sensual arousal? Understanding? Dreaming together? Touch? In touch, not out of touch? 

Love? What is that? Desire? Does that go on forever? Wanting...to...be...with? Liking? Liking everything about the other? Tolerating the rest? The same thought patterns? The same needs fulfilled?

When should a relationship die? When one or the other won't play "fair?" When one or the other won't "play?" When both won't make the effort? When love can't overcome self? 

And so it is -- and so it goes -- and so it hurts!

Who's the Damn Fool?

All of my life -- I haven't minded playing the fool, the "ignorati," the imbecile -- who just doesn't get it. That quality makes me an unqualified and ignored listener who learns, learns, learns.

I observe and learn from people: their behaviors, their stories, and sometimes even their lies. I observe and share with people -- their adventures, their mistakes, their triumph's. Women have always underestimated me; men have always understood me. Women who like to compete have always gone away having "bested" me. Men have always understood that life is "no contest." Life is a "non-competitive" clause on your birth certificate.

So, who is the "damn fool" now?

  

On the Mend

My sister is "on the mend" from her infections and her operation(s).  I am extremely happy about all that. My daughter is completing the run of her production of "Love and Human Remains" in Chicago; and I am also happy about that.

And life goes on -- filled with all kinds of "hurry up's" and "wait's" and every other kind of complication. And I am extremely tolerant of all that. And life goes on.

I hope that Catherine, Caridad, Lois, Jen, Tina -- and about a hundred others, are as happy and fulfilled as they can be. They all deserve to be "happy."

Ticket to Ride

Think I'm gonna be sad, think it's todaaaaaay!  Old song lyrics die hard. What made me think of those lyrics was once again the callowness of youth in general. Not just tiny frog puppets are "green."  Kermit is everywhere. Lots of human beings are as well.

By being green they just don't "get" the passages that have pre-dated their own arrival. The Baby Boomers didn't get WWII!  The didn't get the sorrow and shame  (and happiness and pride) over Nagasaki and Hiroshima!  They didn't get slow music and ballads.  They didn't get women working.

And so the nation "flipped" over in values, thanks to our victories in the war, and the devouring consumerism that followed. Then came the backlash of the late 50's, the Bohemian/Hippie movement of the 60's, Vietnam, and the hell of a split country.

The 70's saw anti-Vietnam, Black Power, Feminism, Gay/Lesbian/Transgender parades, and the Rainbow coalition.  Then conservatism respread it's nasty wings -- and quick wars ensued: Desert Storm, Iraq II, Afghanistan and finally threats from ISIS, Russia, Iran, and everywhere else.

And the youth still don't get it. Nor do their middle age parents. And we all delude ourselves into thinking that somehow, some way, "we all have a 'ticket to ride.'"

Life, Death, Aging

As I cycle through my friends' social media accounts  I find no evidence of mortality, no cognizance of a time when they might get old(er), no understanding of "the passing of things."  Young people think they will be forever young, forever flirtatious, forever attractive.  Older people think they will always be at their best (which, of course, they are at right now). The oldest among us do understand -- but pathetically have no response to the process or the result.

I would like to change that in me. I would like to both understand and acknowledge that life is finite, that health is a gift of great value, that death may be an even bigger gift. We should all be learning to live while we are aging. We should all be conscious enough about life to take nothing for granted. We should all be kind enough to tolerate whatever lapses exist in others, and be mindful of the lapses we cannot see in ourselves. And so it goes.

Writing for Non-Publication

I write for my brain. Not for others.  I write because my brain needs to vent, or to cry, or to harp, or to plead, or to beg for forgiveness, or to end an argument.  I write to fulfill my need to complete a thought -- usually one that has been rumbling around my head for years. Or at least months.

I write to be free -- I write to understand that freedom -- I write for myself, not for others.

Why Interlochen is so "SAD" for Me

I taught there for 9 plus years.  I saw and encouraged a level and degree of talent I could have never encountered elsewhere outside of a Broadway or West End audition.  I created the classes; the curriculum; the audition process; the courses (mainly neatly plagiarized and redefined from other institutions; I put everything I knew or could learn into the building of that program at that time into that school.

And the world blinked and didn't care. People learned or didn't. People lived through it -- hating it or loving it -- and passed by.  People cherished their teachers, or other students, or the beauty of the whole thing. And passed by.

I taught there for 9 plus years. And I experienced terrible pain, wonderful exhilaration, outrageous elements of all the emotions. I stretched myself to teach on the highest possible level; I gave critiques on the most intimate and personal of elements. I gave my students everything I had. I tried to be truthful when other teachers were shamelessly pandering.  I tried to be honest when the outside world itself didn't know how to react. I tried to be "normal" in the face of precocious talent.

But the world passed by. And the students passed by. And only a few understood that what was done for them, and with them, was important and deep. And the world passed by, without comment.

Twitter and Instagram Universe

Am not sure how aware people are about their vulnerability on social media.  Government and private source warnings have gone out recently about hackers using "high speed" software to coalesce
and profile online users of social media.

By coupling this information with previously-available information from computer and software registrations and ownership -- very complete profiles of individuals can be built extremely quickly and confirmed by multiple digital and non-digital sources.  The point to all these warnings is the same: "you are not safe online." "Your information, pictures, captions, tweets, etc. are not safe online!" Your address and phone number(s) can be isolated; your identity uncovered; all the specifics of family, children, status, age, job, education, etc. etc. etc. can be compiled!!!

It is increasingly easy to find information about anyone -- and then find numerous ways to "troll," undermine, create strife for, and otherwise harm the person being profiled!!!! Wise up and don't use social media as a substitute for life.  Meet people in person; flirt in person; make friends (or enemies in person); the virtual and digital world allows anyone, anyone at all, to target you.

Back to Writing

The talk is of "racism!"  As it should be; as it should have been for the past 150 years. We need to open up and be truthful about our hopes, our fears, our tendencies, our proclivities, our sexism, our racism. Who we are is revealed by what we do!

Do you (or I) act like a racist; do we think in racial terms; do we stereotype people or cultures?  Can we admit to ourselves how we think? -- or are we so self-indulgent that we would always "blame others" for our opinions, no matter how misguided or offbeat they might be?

Can you love -- a person of another race? Can you tolerate "someone you don't like" as a human being, without reducing them to some kind of stereotype?

We all need to examine our own thinking -- and reduce our prejudices by excising them from our clear thinking and real experiences. Be a real human being; grow as a human being; learn to love, not just for Jesus' sake, but for your own and the good of all.