As a small child I suffered mightily with a condition known as dyslexia. I could not read, and I seemingly could not learn to read. All the little markings on the page either appeared fuzzy or cloudy to my eyes, or they made no sense at all to others when I tried to reproduce them by rote copying. My grade school teachers, mostly nuns, appeared to assume I was not trying hard enough and found numerous ways to punish me: dunce caps, sitting in the corner, keeping my hands on the front of my desk, going to the dreaded Vice-Principal's office, etc. Life was hell -- every day, for me, in those horrible days.
Nuns sometimes tried to be "nice" and "patient" with me but soon gave up because of my total inability to concentrate (ADD as well I fear). So I got in trouble; lots of trouble. I got sent home; my parents had to come in; I got expelled. More than once.
My life with women was similar. I have always been fascinated by women, and respectful of them (that was one lesson that took, probably in high school), and even slightly amazed by them. They thought differently -- in some areas of life (like sensually or even sexually) they were bolder, much bolder, than I was.
And I was incapable of really figuring them out -- making sense of them in my terms.
With some women (like the infamous Bertina) I was powerless to figure out the game -- so I just "played it straight" and said what I thought. And was misinterpreted, resisted, condemned -- for my stupid simplicity. But that was all I ever had -- simple truth. And it never, ever worked.
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