"Fascinated" is the word I would choose; yes, I have always been "fascinated" with women. Mainly because they are so different -- physically, emotionally, psychologically. When I was very young I thought there were few differences between women and men, boys and girls. I was still fascinated, but more scared of or scared away by the obvious differences.
Now as an adult I am no longer scared -- but still fascinated. I admit freely that I don't really understand how most women think, and even though a few of them have tried to tell me how I think, I am convinced that they don't really think like I do either. It's a grim kind of discovery -- when you finally fix on the fact that gender differences create life differences, create goal differences, create "purpose" differences.
I am willing to go with the fact of the differences -- and just try to float and go with the eddies and floes that are all around me. Swirling this way and that -- my views are as confused and partial as ever. One of the "dreams" I used to have consistently was of me drowning -- being pushed and shoved under water, and struggling like a madman to maintain equilibrium, to fight my way to the surface. Once a relationship with a woman hits that level of distress for me -- I am forced to flee, to get to the air, to breathe, to live. For some women who might someday read this -- I'm sure that explains a lot.
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