More Geckoes, More Redbirds --- Sincere Panic Over Change in "Closing Date"

The formal closing date for the sale of my house has been moved up ten days, to June 20th, to facilitate the start of work on the Carriage House.  (Don't ask; it's complicated and has to do with "title insurance"). The lawyers thought it was a great idea, showing no consideration for me and my team and the added, quickened workload. Lawyers: gotta love 'em!

So I will be renting a truck, getting the team back together -- and trying desperately to get tons of work done next week -- all Post-Tag-Sale, which is on June 1st and June 2nd.

And of course there is still this "other thing" that is occupying my mind and my psyche. More information later on that.

Signs and Portents

In the ancient world leaders and ordinary people as well -- looked for "signs and portents" of failure or success for just about any enterprise.  They read bird entrails, or leaves of tea, or signs in the sky like birds, clouds, or insects.

I have some "signs and portents" as well. A mysterious red bird (usually a cardinal but not always) comes near me outside my window, or on my car, or merely streaks across my path. (Good luck and blessings inevitably follow -- thank you Sheila).

Often I am engulfed by feelings of contentment -- usually caused by birds (great blue herons, for example) looking at me, and not scattering. I am also often confronted by "geckos" -- in my house(s),
yard, car, etc. and they always are benign and helpfully calming creatures.  People smiling at me -- usually they smile first also often ease my soul. There are many more such "signs and portents" -- count your own, and you will see that I am right.

Also, please resist harder!!!!!

What the Hell?

There are so many variables in life: health, age, flexibility, balance, speed, thoroughness, depth, values, lack of values, morality, spirituality, openness, thoughtfulness, wellness, focus, lack of focus, common sense, desire, lack of desire, beauty, kindness, love, inability to love, compassion, understanding, humanness.  The list is a "forever -- never finished -- kind of list.

Life itself is that way. Forever -- never finished. Welcome it -- don't deny it, or your honest participation.

And resist, always!!!!!

That Feeling

A quick shock to the system today -- got the "go ahead" to "ask again" when I was expecting outright rejection. Means the heart fluttered for  a second; the smile came back to the front of my face; and generally the sky brightened down the road.

All veiled talk -- for sure. But those who know me, and the "red bird" that watches over me all understand my situation, my fears, my worries, my hopes. The future may not be as solipsistic as I once thought it might be.

Resist NOW; resist always!!!

Days of Strange

Lawyers' meetings, changed contracts, new contracts, new provisions, attempts at civility with the underlying concept of "threat," avoidance of legal battles, giving in -- being honest, being loyal, being straightforward! These are all a significant portion of every day in my life right now.

And as "spice" to this entree -- a feeling that I am leaving something out; that I am screwing up somehow, that I am ignoring someone or something that should be important to me. And then there is the tremendous feeling of being "horny," yes -- "horny" for no particular reason than I am on edge, all the time, over money which formerly was outside my ken.

Resist and resist some more!!!!

Slowing Down the Brain

Given the flood of change coming my way, and the intense pressures to decide on things coming from all directions -- I have taken a new stance. I am not going to decide on "anything" in haste: what stocks to buy, what elemental  things to keep/throw away, how to travel, what jobs to keep/lose, what charities to support, what people to bring closer into my life, etc. etc. etc.

I would like to somehow "date" -- but probably not in the traditional sense, or in any sense, because of my age and financial status. I would like to be social -- without being tied down. I would like to go out to dinner with someone -- without making a lifelong commitment. I would like to have friends -- as my schedule opens up, and I am no longer working 60 hours per week. I would like to destress -- and get back to simple exercise: walking, slow running, weights, etc. I would like to simply "fall into" the above patterns, without having to plan them all out like a madman.

I have to "slow down" my brain to make all of the above possible. Sometimes my brain just won't stop.  

Memorial Day

So what is the one moment, the one "thing," that you must remember -- that you must heed, for your life to continue to have meaning and value.

Is it the moment of love -- the day you proposed, or were proposed to? Or death  -- the day your most beloved one died? Is that moment in your life, or in someone else's? Is it a national moment -- say "the morning of 9/11?" Is it a tiny moment, one that only has significance for you personally?

Or perhaps the day Kennedy was shot, or Reagan? Or Nixon's resignation? Or the day that will live in infamy -- Pearl Harbor Day? What are the ideas and real values that shape that/those moments for you?

Is there nothing to remember? Nothing good; nothing bad? Are you a Trumpian "tabula rasa?"  Do you think and reflect at all -- or do you only live moment-to-moment?

Everyone's moments are personal, private, intimate. Mine are not the same as yours, probably.  And yet we must all individually cherish our moments and live by them -- or we will become vacuous and empty. Life is too short to live out without living in both our past and our future. We are beings that mentally can move in time and reinvigorate ourselves through thought -- then action. We are human; we reflect our source. We bring honor to our origin(s), whatever they are.




Continue to resist; resist; resist!!!!