Traveling Again

Once again this weekend I am on the road doing my consulting job in "fund raising investigations." This time it's three lovely days in Florida, probably in the rain, certainly in the sweltering heat. But that is to be expected.

Yesterday I had two separate parties "look over" my house for sale. Not very hopeful about either couple I'm afraid.  One couple is in their 70's and are surprised by all the "steps in the house"-- duh, it was built in 1885. The male is this couple is a Korean War vet who has had a stroke -- and limps along feebly with a cane.  The other "couple" is actually a b and b owner in Cape Cod who is "sure" she will be able to get a loan --- yikes!! And this latter b and b owner is talking about tearing out walls, using the "garden level" (basement) and generally overusing a fragile resource. Where do these people come from?

In A Gadda Da Vida...

In a lot of ways the 60's were ironic and inscrutable. They were a time of protest and also of predictability, of massive moral upheaval and "long grey line" sameness. They reflected the contradictory impulses of the youthful spirit(s) that ruled during that time.

It was a time of self-indulgence and addiction, and of great moral courage and achievement. If you were living during that time you couldn't outlast or ignore the changes, but you could try to discern them and choose your own path through them.

I am a Baby Boomer -- and became truly aware in the 60's. Because of a hypertensive Jesuit education (doubt everything; question everything) I both lived within and outside of many different strands of that era. Sex, drugs, rock and roll --- and family, duty, country --- did not contradict each other in my understanding.  You could be anything you wanted to be in the 60's  -- and that is what I still am striving to become. 

Happy Birthday Gemini's

There are two Gemini women left in my world.  First, Tosha -- Happy Birthday on the lst of June --- hopefully you will get my card before that date; hopefully. And you kow how I feel about you -- always. 

On May 24th (Saturday past) another birthday passed for a friend of mine --- B.C.  May you always be happy, excited, and positive about your life and everything and everyone in it. 

Chaos Day

First day of classes, after a ridiculously complex advisement/registration schedule, is always a case of controlled chaos. Fortunately the students are usually unaware of the subtextual chaos -- and perceive only the grim and boring first lecture/class day. Because it is a day of new beginnings -- this first day is very important.  It is the harbinger of the term as a whole. 

This day in 2014 marks my fourth summer working at the technical college -- and it is once again full of changes. The schedule is one week shorter so the classes are longer (roughly twice as long as a class in Spring or Fall Semester). The students start off full of energy but the summer drains their energies fairly quickly. And distractions mount. 

And regular life interferes: jobs interfere, love interferes, family matters and money (or lack thereof) interfere.  And yet life will go on. And class will go on.  And we will all survive, somehow.    

Apotheosis

What is the "apotheosis" of your life?  The divine moment -- the moment of greatest intensity -- the moment that nearly justifies existence on its own?

In mine there are moments of death that approach "apotheosis quality" -- especially the death of my wife, and the death of my Father! There are also moments of rare importance -- of clarification -- high points of living -- that could justify the word-phrase "apotheosis!" Several of those moments for me happened after I won something: a fellowship, an award, an honor; or when I was made to feel special: my wedding, this or that moment on stage in performance, some moment of clear and focused thought while running! 

For life to have moments of "apotheosis" it has to be growing better, moving towards a kind of perfection, aiming towards a kind of enlightenment!  The Buddhist (and Platonic) movement towards enlightenment, towards truth, towards love -- is the finest and most closely encapsulated form of "apotheosis." It is the moment of perceived perfection! It is the moment of pure love! It is the moment when one is striving towards love, and one achieves it. 

End Times

How a person finishes out his/her life is as important as how one lives the entirety of it! Living is not the important thing -- but "living well" (not in the sense of living richly) is!

"Living well" means living for the right motives, with the right intentions, at the right pace, with the open vulnerability of thought and emotion, alongside the right people, behind all the people you know, to the right ends, in the right frame of mind, with the right calm, etc.  We don't know the answers that are coming -- we don't know what the next stage of life will be, or can be, or should be.  Even our "faith" (if we have such) cannot tell us that!

All we really know are the rewards that come with balance and focus; the results that spring from honest and love. 

I sincerely hope I can finish my life in the manner in which I have lived it -- and let all the chips fall where they may. 

When Eyes Meet...

For years I "didn't get it!"  I never knew what the young (or older) woman was thinking as she looked into my eyes. I never presumed it meant what I wanted it to mean -- and so, time after time, I let the moment (and the woman) pass out of my life.

There are at least several hundred such moments in my existence -- when I was faced with a choice: to pursue or not to pursue; when I just didn't play the game. I was too inexperienced (even when I got older, but no wiser) to just get it there and make the connection. Why? Too much respect perhaps; or even astonishment that I would be one half of a sexual choice; or disbelief in the accuracy of my senses or my sensations.

I was a "dolt in love" -- I totally admit it. It's a wonder I ever had sex at all. It had to be a "Moses and the Burning Bush" kind of moment for me to get it -- and even then there was a strong chance I would just put out the fire. I am writing this down now -- not to make excuses or to make amends, just to state the truth.   

Men in Trees (and other Phenomena)

On Monday the boys from Bartlett Expert Tree Service (and I would highly recommend them to anyone in the Savannah area as real experts) were once again dangling from above in my back yard.  My huge water oaks and the massive laurel oak were in need of a good trimming and balancing (and also to assuage the fears of my neighbor).

They trimmed and sawed for several hours and got the "crowns" looking balanced and healthy -- all should be well for awhile.  Meantime I am busily working at ground level trying to trim and remove overgrowth of undergrowth, weeds, etc.  That has to be an ongoing experience this summer!  I want the yard to look a lot better. 

At the same time the air conditioning company sent a stellar repair man to re-repair my recently repaired heat pump for the Carriage House.  This guy did his work efficiently and adroitly, actually locating the problem(s) and making me understand that the previous repair person just missed them when he tried to solve all problems by putting in a new thermostat.  And so far they have not charged me at all for the second visit --- we shall see how that works out. And life continues.     

The Beast Within---SEX

It is understandable, to a degree, why some of the major religions in the world (Christianity chief among them) have made sexual issues pre-eminent in talking about "sin" and "salvation" and "righteousness." If you believe that the "original sin" was a sexual one --- and that all things sexual are somehow, in some way, evil --- then you are trapped by your own prejudices brought on by your "religious belief."

I for one do not believe that sex is evil, or wrong, or a sin. Sex is natural and normal, designed not only for propagation -- but for recreation. Sex is not a part of animal existence to then be denied without restrictions -- heterosexuality, monogamy, even one-position-only kind of thinking. Sex is right -- it is a way of communicating -- it is wholesome and even beautiful.

The current discussions about "gay sex" are sidelights, meant only to hold any alternative yet normal lifestyle at bay. Why does the bulk of the population seem to be threatened by someone espousing "gay sex?" SIN is the answer to that question.  Stuck in belief systems laid down in ancient or medieval times -- the "hyper-moralists" of the day preach a kind of biblical purity without even understanding the book they quote from. America's sexual morality is flawed; so-called Christian sexual morality is misplaced; human sexual morality that is threatened by alternative lifestyles is ridiculous and just plain wrong.    

The Lady and the Tiger

The past grabs everyone of us by the throat and makes us cough up new meanings for old experiences. Our best stories grow and grow in our memories until they become our "legends" -- and that is "all good" as we are used to saying. All good!

It is the parts of our past that lie hidden -- the "tiger, tiger, burning bright; in the forests of the night" parts that grab us unawares and pull us back to our more primitive and darker fixations, often unbeknownst to and unacknowledged by us. Each of us has these "burning bright" tigers in our subconscious -- secretly gnawing at our entrails, silently masticating our secret dreams and hopes, unconsciously chomping our most intimate memories. 

We never could and we never can satisfy everyone. We are limited by being "we." We are not all our friends, all our relatives, nor all our acquaintances. All of our experiences lie at different depths and achieve different levels in our conscious world. 
If we can sift "all" of our experiences we can learn from them; but that requires a thoroughgoing introspection, and a fine editing of what is important and what is not.

And what is important? That is for each of us to decide -- there is no norm; only a norm that is peculiar to our view of life.