I try not to think of Tina too much -- though it seems to happen every day. I feel a tremendous sense of loss when I do. This Gemini woman is so incredible when she is positive, and open, and real, and unafraid. And then she slides back into her fears and becomes just hateful, and "impossible."
I am a pretty typical male -- who has had a charmed and lucky life personally: good parents, and nice education, some obstacles/but nothing too bad; just a positive and focused life. Like many others I have had and will always have doubts: about myself, my beliefs, my future. That is just being human.
Bertina seems to allow no doubts; she trusts in nothing that is not absolute. I have faith that there is an absolute -- a "greater than myself," God -- but I am not sure of His/Her relationship to me as a person, or to mankind in particular. Bertina has been "saved" from many things in her life: an impossibly tough childhood, a unique family, her own escape into addiction, and other things to precious and intimate to mention. Being "saved" marks her as a one who doesn't have too much tolerance for those of us who don't understand that concept. I don't think I need to be "saved." The Biblical story of the "great fall" in the Garden of Eden makes little sense to me in the light of what I believe about human beings: we have free will, we will make mistakes, we are not perfect. None of those things make humans inherently bad -- and I refuse to believe we are such. We were created to be good; we are good.
Bertina has extraordinary promise as a human being; she undercuts this promise with her own spite, her own anger, her own longing for disappointment and failure. The love in her is nonetheless beautiful and deep -- but hopefully not wasted. I wish her all the happiness and fulfillment she can handle.
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