The Incredible Lightness of Absence

Missing people in your life is a very normal thing. Death separates us; distance separates us; time separates us. All these elements of their nature are difficult. Our emotional ties to those who have died, and to those who have moved on or moved away (out of our lives) remain -- but are blocked by elements beyond our control.

I miss Sheila every day -- in a hundred ways. Visions and moments of deja vu scatter across my daily life like leafy shadows in a forest. I also miss close friends, former lovers, friends who are "not to be" and categories of acquaintances, either momentary or extended, who have somehow had an impact on my life. Certainly Tosha, Tina, (in different ways obviously), Maureen, and even those who never became more than spectres (and so shall go unnamed) are there as well. 

Absence does not make the "heart grow fonder" -- it only makes for a more solitary life. I miss them all.   

Karma, Tolerance, Love

Some people don't believe in altruism. I do.  I believe in giving to someone: a friend, an acquaintance, even a stranger -- with perhaps no hope or even any desire to get something in return.  Sometimes people just "need" a gift -- they always deserve one. 

Life is a difficult climb. We balance ourselves on our tensions, on our anxieties, on our many many pressures. We float in a sea of vibrations all threatening to change us, to disrupt us, to harm us. Some of us even make more tensions for ourselves -- by trial and error we determine that Sartre was right (Hell is other people), and we believe in what we sow. We accept that it is better to resist than to go along; it is better to fight or curse than it is to touch or love. Humans are a sad lot in that way. 

Sarah Smiles

Some people just don't read "other people" (usually men of women, or women of men) all that well.  What that means is they mistake dyspeptic remarks made by someone else for their own dry-witted cynicism. Or they interpret laughter as being because of their own inherent wit, rather than being aimed directly at them. 

Usually men are the stupid ones. Often egocentric men are so concerned with their own importance that they fail to see they have been "out-verbalized" or "hung out to dry" by some witty young female. It can get worse if the man is older as well as being insensitive. That is the paradox of the "commedia character"-- the cuckolded foolish old man!

This is the idyllic old man's foolishness that glistened eyes lead us into. So be wary when Sarah smiles.   

Sarah's Song

Precocious, fiery, angry, rough, yet soft, yielding, compassionate; funny; verbal, intellectual, offbeat, yet traditional, normal, orderly,doctrinaire. A paradox walking!
A sinuous sylph sitting! Who is she?

Is she the administrative cruel taskmaster? Or is she the confident and laughing facilitator? Is she tough, stern, and misanthropic? Or the softly helping partner? What is she?

Does she know her own age? Does she understand her own life? Is she introspective as her love of reading suggests? Or an extroverted party-er -- as her stories detail?

She is Sarah, nonetheless.

Cogito Ergo Sum

Writing and teaching are professions that could really feed off of one another.  I find my teaching to be a rigorous taskmaster to my own abilities to think and write concisely. The things that I want to say, to others, via my blog -- are for the most part not petty, nor are they prurient, nor vengeful, nor even particularly current. They are for me, though, important enough to warrant saying.  Just to make sure the ideas are out there -- are acknowledged -- and understood. 

I understand that for some my exercise on this blog might seem a particularly vain or even arrogant exercise. Not so in my mind! I write to keep my brain focused and reactive to all things going on around me. Not because my ideas are superior, or better in any way; but simply because they will add to the foment. 

Descartes was right:"I think, therefore I am." And Shakespeare was also right -- "to be or not to be" is the question; and thinking will provide us with the correct answer, eventually. And it could go either way.

Sarah, Camille, Tosha, Mary, Christina...

I am convinced now that any blog that mentions a woman's name in the title is much more likely to be picked up by the "zombie searchers" on the Internet (as a possible source for erotic literature or even porn perhaps?).  After having now written more than a hundred posts I find that only the titles that could be considered "double entendres" or cute sexual jokes or just naming a female -- are picked up like gold.

That says not so much about the Internet, or humans -- but more about the way search "spiders" are set up to reel in salacious material. So far I have written no salacious material and I probably never well --- by anyone's standards. Nonetheless there are searchers (ZOMBIE SEARCHERS, I call them) who are just seeking smut in some form or way. It is part of the sensual dumbing down of our time, or our "generations:" specifically, the age of the Internet troll, the Internet voyeur, the Internet loser. 

It is a testament to our times -- to our ignorance, to our appetite for the lusty (without the honor of the actual completed desire). We are becoming less and less capable, and more and more voyeuristic. We are wasting time watching the world go by. How sad!
My apologies to all the names in my title -- whether I know them or not. 

The Female Psyche

Have you ever seen (or heard) a woman dominate a room at a party just by sheer energy combined with focused humor, volume, and an ability to say something just shocking enough to turn every one's head? Well of course you have. Many women, especially after a glass of two of wine (but some without any alcoholic encouragement) just naturally dominate any "scene" they are part of. Their stories do it. Their viewpoint does it. Their humor does it. 

Being the life of the party -- being the center of attention -- wanting to have people play off of their words, and with their words  -- comes in perfect stride for many women. Women in their forties, who still have the pinch of youth in their attitude and manner, often use their "dominance" to control an entire get-together. That is "fun" for them; or maybe it is a necessity. It is sometimes difficult to say which.

Actually I admire this trait, this skill -- as I see it engaged by some gifted individuals.  I realize that their are personal and/or psychological reasons for their zesty control. But whatever the reasons, it is still an interesting rite to observe. It makes me love women all the more.