On the Intransigence of Pain

It never goes away -- that gnawing feeling that you have made a mistake; that sense that you have hurt someone unintentionally; that awful recollection that life is shallow and you are worth nothing; that incomprehensible vision of meaninglessness.

I don't like feeling that I am a useless creature. I work at overcoming that sensation and contributing to others. But often I fail. Or I am too arrogant in succeeding. Or something.

And then the sensation of anxious pain floods back in. I know it is the human condition. But it is not the best of conditions. Plato was perhaps right in many of his observations-- about life, about purpose, about a proper ending. Thinking and examining does give me solace. But very little else ever does. And the pain will always be there --intransigent, but not triumphant.   

ANXIETY

It is the ultimate human killer.  It can become panic, or it can be reduced to mere worry.  It can force us to do -- things we don't want to do (or think we don't want to do).  It is "stress incarnate" -- it is the "people killer." It is our curse.

Robin Williams: the Death of a Generation

Amidst all the war, the disease, the political quackery, and the seeming doom of "life as we know it" -- comes another blow, the suicide by hanging of Robin Williams. I have "seen" Robin Williams many times: in films, on television, even in person. But his talent -- his persona -- marks a different kind of passing. It is harder now to stay positive, knowing that a man who had so much would throw it all away (which he has a right to do). If he could do this -- what should we do? 

Are we stronger, or better suited, or more balanced -- than he was? We are certainly not as talented, not as connected, not as bright and active as he was. He was a kind of symbol of the best of us, the boomers, the Vietnam generation, the post WWII optimists! It's going to be a lot harder to remain an
optimist now -- knowing that the brightest among us have chosen to "cash it" and leave the table. 

I ask forgiveness for him -- if that is a real issue -- but more than that; I ask forgiveness for all of us who labor and falter in the same way(s). Robin: as you experience time without time, think of us still in a place, needing forgiveness. For what, I am not sure!

Slough of Despond or Just Monday

How trivial is one's own life? Does loneliness create more loneliness? Does the "weather" factor into our mood, our sense of hope, our joy?

The "slough of despond" was a phrase I have always remembered and held onto from my days in "Pilgrim" Literature -- Bunyan, Hawthorne,et al. The world is a horrible place; the human soul is born in sin and degradation; even "faith" is barely enough (with Christian belief) to save us. 

Monday morning's are the worst -- seemingly sapping all  hope before the week has even begun! We need to be saved -- but from what? Sin, life, being alone, being unconnected, love? Just what is it we need saving from? What is even possible, given this kind of beginning to our week? 

Brand Loyalty

Several times in my life I developed a "comic monologue" or "standup routine" for use in clubs and plays. One jokeline I used to work in was this: "I was born Democrat, Polish, Catholic and male -- not necessarily in that order!" It was a local joke for Milwaukee/Chicago and played off the fact that everyone born in a certain area of Milwaukee (and a different area of Chicago) were all of those things -- usually in a non-separated way. 

Those terms amounted to my "brand" -- my thought-package of self-description at the time. Since those times I have dropped "Catholic" as an adjective, have substituted other words for Polish and Democrat (since I am clearly not defined any longer by either of them). Even "male" is in doubt these days as I age into a more asexual mode of life. 

So too are world brands: are we truly Zionist or anti-Semitic any longer; or does that articulation work only for those who are categorical non-thinkers? Are we truly Palestinians, or Shi-ites, or Muslims, or Christians -- or do those "categories" slip away depending on our actions? The world is in "shambles" yet we insist on age-old time-honored and time-disgraced polarities!  A Chevrolet, after all, is not the best car in the world merely because I prefer it, or because I always buy one.

There should be no brand loyalty unless there is proof through action that the brand is still viable -- and the term(s) have not been falsified or corrupted by simple repitition.   

My Friend from Donetsk

The world is trembling at the war going on in Eastern Ukraine.  Families who are Russian-speaking, though consider themselves Ukrainian, are under fire from both the regular Ukrainian army/police, and from the Russian separatists who inhabit many of the towns in the area. It is a de facto civil war.

Or is it? Could it be that Russia herself is behind these "separatists" and is supplying them with guns, manpower, ammunition, high-tech missiles, and what-have-you military support to help lay the groundwork for a Russian takeover (as in the Crimea). Now that a civilian aircraft has been shot down over the the disputed territory -- the game of war intensifies.

Many Ukrainians on both sides of this issue are suffering -- and will continue to suffer as supplies of everything: (food, products, gasoline, heating oil, etc.) will continue to be in short supply. A "siege mentality" may be put in place until all factions (including the US, the EU, and all contiguous countries) beg for a solution -- and that solution could be Russian rule.

My "friend from Donetsk" is a scholar, a teacher, now also an American; but she is also a child of Ukraine, Donetsk, and her parents who bore her and still manage to survive there.

Putin -- let your higher brain take over; let there be peace!

Shambles

The world is in "shambles." That is not just my world, but your world, his world, her world, everyone's world... We have rampant senseless though always justified war going on in a dozen places in the world (or more) with threats of more wars inching forward.

ISIS, Syria, Afghanistan, Gaza, Israel, Sudan, Ukraine,Libya, Central Africa, Congress (specifically the Congress versus the White House), and more ... are all a concern! Russia wants to be a world power again -- and willingly bullies its way to that title. ISIS wants an Islamic State where women, children and all infidels are of no value! Northern Sudan wants to exterminate Southern Sudan (now a separate country)! Everywhere the chimes of war, underpinned by the endless cries of "fatwa" and "sharia law" ring out.

And then there is "Ebola"--a disease so frightening billionaires scream at doctors to keep those infected out of "our country." As if a disease can read borders; as if somehow we in America are not deserving of such a horror!

Religious fervor and intolerance seem more to echo the political bipolarity rampant in the US. The culture war in America has become a moral war -- verging on violence over issues such as abortion, gay marriage, privacy, the death penalty, contraception, health care, support for the poor, unemployment, social security, aging, illness, and "you name it!"

The world is in a shambles; how can we fix it? Can we fix it? Can we do anything?