Confusion, Confusion, Confusion

This registration and set-up period for classes has been the most confused, last-minute, and under-prepared-for semester in all my time at STC. I am not sure why -- new administrators, changing practices, new courses, many more students? Whatever the reason I have become more and more aware of the students' inabilities to cope with the bureaucracy attempting to do the impossible -- to reform itself 

First Nervous Day of School

It always feels a bit nerve-wracking, starting school again.  Whether it is high school, college, first grade, or what-have-you -- it is a nervous time.  The stomach is a bit unsettled -- the plan of the class is lost in the shuffling of thoughts and worries back and forth in the brain. The body and mind are both awash in worry and excitement.

Turning that excitement into positive excitement is the trick.  Keeping cool under pressure and focusing on what must be done -- is essential.  A teacher is a magician of emotion and feeling -- coping with worry and creating confidence and hope. 

And then it is all over -- for good or bad. 

Tides

Classes start tomorrow. Our new Dean leaves on the 30th of August. The tide rolls in; the tide rolls out. Life goes on in spite of constant change -- the new faces reflect the passing of the old faces. That is how it has always been-- and how it will always be. 

I am sorry to see this Dean go -- she was making progress on a number of fronts and actually could have turned General Studies into a real Division given more time. But the "hope" that one has when one starts to be enveloped by bureaucracy often flies like the morning mists. The rays of the sun dissipate it; the winds shift it from own way to another.

All of any one person's efforts cannot remake the world. The world remakes itself and includes the workings of many who try, and many who don't, and many more who don't care. 

Alan Poindexter: Rest in Peace; Charlotte Misses You; and Others Will Too

While I was teaching and directing at UNCC back in the 80's, I was fortunate to work briefly with a number of excellent students: Catherine Smith, Caridad Svich, Gina Stewart, Nancy Nixon, and many others.  Among those others was a talented, precocious, but somewhat shy freshman named Alan. Alan Poindexter was just beginning his work in college theatre at that point -- and he came to take a huge part in my production of Cloud 9. I did not stay at UNCC very long after that production due to the politics of the department -- more gender related than artistic I would now say. 

But this is about Alan. His sense of invention and hard work showed in that production -- and made him stand out as a potential professional theatrician just because of that.  This summer (2013) Alan passed away in Charlotte, NC after giving up his position as Artistic Director of the Children's Theatre of Charlotte earlier in the year. Alan made many breakthrough's in the Charlotte theatre scene: in artistic freedom in Angels in America, in numerous upgraded children's theatre productions; and always contributed to respecting and honoring other Charlotteans working in their crafts. 

Gina Stewart is right--Charlotte doesn't do a great job of respecting the extraordinary theatre work of Charlotte performers.  Even Charlotteans at a distance understand that Alan was one of those extraordinary theatre people who earned that respect -- on a local, regional, and even national level. 

The Incredible Lightness of Being...Alive

In spite of everything: overwork, jobs left undone, people I respect deserting their posts, sadness for no reason, stress brought on by everything, and the outlandish sense that nothing ever gets any better -- I still enjoy being.

Most people I know are fighting against the tide -- struggling against obstacles that occur and then quickly reoccur. It's a fight...to the death...literally.

Desiring You; Loving You

Love and desire -- both hold special places in my soul.  They are allied, but they are not the same. Love deals with the totality of another person. It not only wants to physically join but to also psychically join with the other. In philosophical terms -- it honors and respects the other and wants to be the other.

Desire wants the other as well. But usually only some part of the other -- like the beautiful body, or a part of the body, or the smile, or the soft voice, or the gentle heart. Both desire and love signal a movement towards the other -- but neither has any guarantee of successful acceptance by the other. In either case the other can resist, can turn away, can refuse, can ignore, and even can pretend such movement does not exist.

 

Passing ON, Without Stress

Some people learn, eventually, the things that will make them happy.  As I listen to my Dear Surrogate daughter (hereafter DSd) -- I think "go ahead, make a decision -- fight for the happiness you deserve." T has to learn to try for perfection, but sometimes settle for less -- and grow towards that perfection. There are no assurances. There is only the imperfect male out there -- who perhaps loves you, but cannot, as yet admit it. 

This very day a very new Administrator at STC bid "Adieu!"
She needed to destress.  She needed to learn the way to being happy -- and she is doing so. She is going back to her old job at SCAD -- and I wish her well. We will miss her leadership at STC.