Remaking History -- Personal and Global

Reconstructing one's life seems to be the continuing project of human memory -- "how did this actually happen; how did that actually happen?" It seems that whole nations operate the same way at times -- how did the "Crimea" fall; how did "Donetsk" separate from Ukraine? How did Hitler take power? How did Donald Trump gain access to all the spoiled eccentricities of the American soul?

Nations, politicians, countries, and even individuals are all guilty of the same kind of reworking of recent history. Human relationships suffer the same fate! Who did what to whom and why -- are questions with an amazing array of answers.

How did a "problem" between us actually begin? Who knows? Who remembers? Is it all written down someplace? Or is it "written on the wind?" How does reality change -- what impacts do changing circumstances have on reworked history? Is history a continuously evolving "lie?"

December 28, 2015

For one more incredible year -- the "horrors" are over. Every December my brain and imagination relive the horrors of 2006  --- from the very beginning of the end, to the end, past the end, and through the anniversary of She's death through her birthday -- December 27th.

I no longer question it -- I cannot avoid it -- I just try to live through it!  Every year since 2004 -- from December 1st through the 27th I relive and feel again the horrible injustice of She's death.  I question again the "god" that allowed it, and the awful disease that caused it. I see again the bathroom fall that caused her head to split open, the awful ambulance ride to the hospital, the staying over night -- night after night -- until finally hospice came; and we left the hospital for Room 22 of Hospice Savannah. The 66 days that followed were actually, in the strangest of ways, the happiest Sheila and I were ever to have.  She depended on me and I on her.  We shared the most intimate of thoughts, the most private of dreams. We cried together and prayed together. And to this moment --- this very moment -- I wish we had died together.

There is a brick in the courtyard of Hospice Savannah dedicated to She -- from me (with Linda's help). She died on the morning of December 6th, 2006 in Room 4 of Hospice Savannah. She's Mom Millie and I were both there -- as was She's cousin Carol, the self-appointed representative of Jesus (and boutique missionary to Romanian prostitutes). It was the worst of times. I laughed at She's last breadth-- because I was truly, truly happy that her suffering had ended -- and she got to go to the heaven that she wished for, that she deserved.  

Holidays Are For Giving

Yep, give all you can to others. What they need; what they want; what they don't quite expect to get.
Giving also works beyond the realm of "presents" -- which are the extreme point of giving.

Give --- comfort; give --- love;  give --- a kiss;  give --- an extra hug; give --- of your truest self; give --- the truth; give --- all you have to give; give --- warmth; give --- comfort in all situations; give --- without fear; give --- without embarrassment!

Yep, "holidays are for giving" but they are not the only time for giving!  Give --- now; give --- in that second of need; give --- when another person wants it; give --- when another person needs it; give --- when no one is watching to praise you; give --- silently; give --- to really help, not for self-gain!
















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Old Friends Are "the Best"

Finally caught up with Ms. Dawn Petersen Snyder by phone over the weekend, after trying to reach her several times in vain.  This past summer she, Tosha, and I had dinner at the Crab Shack on Tybee -- and began the process of re-acquaintanceship. I had forgotten (and Tosha said the same thing to me in a later private conversation) what a wonderful, talented, and sensitive person Dawn was.  I guess there was a reason She loved her so much.

Dawn, during our summer three-way conversation, talked about the divorce from Tim, how she felt about it, how hurt she was, and how she was trying to recover -- but found life pretty difficult. She briefly mentioned doing "stand up comedy" for the first time (which was intriguing since Dawn is so much like Amy Poehler as a performer). She started to talk about her Mom (after her husband, Dawn's step-Dad died recently) and alcohol; trying to do Real Estate sales in Atlanta with Town and Country Real Estate, and a few other details.  We left each other (all three of us) with big hugs, and Dawn making me promise to "keep in touch this time."  I didn't realize that I had done that, but it is probably true.

So this past Fall I asked Tosha to send me Dawn's phone number (which I didn't have), then her address (ditto), and her email. And this past Saturday I reached Dawn -- or rather she called me back; from Orlando, FL where she was coaching kids from Atlanta in a National Theatre Audition competition for high school students.  I told Dawn (over a bad connection) that I realized I get "into" Atlanta 6-8 times a year with my "weekend job" -- mostly Downtown (Emory, CDC, The Carter Center..., and Georgia Tech University). She lives in the ''burbs to the Northeast of Atlanta, but said "she would love to have me see her stand-up routines." I agreed; so next time in Atlanta, I will give her a call or a text and see if she is "performing somewhere" in that area. Dawn was one of the most talented improv and stand-up people ever had in any of my classes anywhere. It will be wonderful to see how she has progressed. Can't wait!   

Want and Disappointment

Have you ever really, really wanted something?  A moment in time to do things "over again?" Perhaps that object (or person) that you can't have, can't get close to, can't even dream about possessing? I have.

So many things are "out of reach" now for me. People, objects, positions (of influence not control), events, places to visit, journeys to take! "Desire" and "want" are kinds of internal pressure that often destroy sensible thinking.

An older woman wants a "young stud" as a lover; a child wants to be "in charge" when he/she can barely comprehend what it is to be in charge of anything.  A man wants a certain woman to be his woman -- but she is "out of reach" or "with someone else." It is the way of life.  It is the way of most "fate promises."

Russia wants the USSR again; America wants to be the "last and only Superpower;" Hillary Clinton wants to be the first/best President (woman or otherwise); the Pope wants the Catholic Church to make up for its sins and lead people to God; ISIS wants to kill/destroy everyone and everything that is not ISIS; China wants to come to grips with it vast population -- and be the light of the world, even as a Communist/Capitalist/Oligarchic regime; most human beings just want to be "happy."

Finishing Things

I was surprised to hear Putin's comments on supporting the USA efforts against ISIL!  Surprised and pleased but not unduly so. Mr. Putin is former KGB -- and that really means something. He is clever beyond the level of simple politics. He is strong -- and that is well beyond the level of physical strength -- he is strong in the heart, in the brain, in the memory of what Russia is -- at its best. He can concoct a strategy -- and follow it.

We have no such memories of our history here in America.  We are somewhat blinded by and misinformed about our own heritage -- which truly only dates to the 17th century. And as for strategy -- if it takes more than 3 months we consider it "far into the future."  We are much shallower than we should be -- much too ephemeral.  Much too momentary. Much too last minute.

And that is at least one reason why America is in such a mess!

Unprofessional Nondevelopment

I promised myself I would stop blogging about the negativity of non-educational bureaucracy! And I will. But understand that it takes a lot of restraint to refuse to comment on the unusual confluence of several programs: Achieving the Dream, Complete College America, and the SACS Review Process!

To comment would be unwise at this or any other time. Examine the programs and draw your own conclusions!

Voices from the Past

So far this week I have had contact with two "voices from the past" -- Lisa Haynes Henry (and husband Oren) from Newark, Ohio (now in Orlando, Fl) and Dawn Petersen (in Woodstock, GA).

Must be something in the air!  Lisa said she had a dream that they (she and husband) ran into me in Orlando -- and were so surprised!!! Actually such a thing could have happened -- I have been in Orlando multiple times this past year and a half.  Now Dawn came with Tosha to Savannah last summer -- we shared dinner at the Crab Shack!  And Dawn made me promise to "keep in touch" along with some kind of warning to me if I didn't.

So I did. Dawn truly was great when she worked for us -- as good as Tosha, which is high praise indeed. And Sheila really loved her for her gentle soul.  I really remember Dawn for her terrific improv skills in my classes -- she was the equal of, and similar to, Amy Poehler!  I hope Dawn is still performing and doesn't give up her skills -- just because you can't make a living at it working in Atlanta. She now does "real estate" which seems to be everyone's fall back position once they are divorced. What a world!

A Once and Future Empire?

What are Russia's dreams on the world stage? To be a "superpower" again? To be toe-to-toe with China, the United States, the EU? And what do the Russian people want?

Respect, friendship, trade --- or conflict, strife, war?

The USSR was a mighty but troubled amalgam of nations, peoples, cultures, etc. It existed primarily to serve Mother Russia -- but was not equally or even equitably governed! And so after a few decades there was strife -- and near revolution in places like Hungary, and Georgia, and in the Balkans. This strife was caused as much by individual countries striving to be "free" of the bonds of fealty imposed on them by Mother Russia.

And so the USSR broke down (as have all Empires throughout history) and became Russia "plus" -- with many other smaller countries. Some of those countries have now become truly independent and successful in their own right --- no longer just tributaries of the USSR.

And what does Russia dream of now? A return of the USSR? Or peace with its neighbors.  Just because there are Russian speaking emigrants in a country -- that does not mean that the country is Russian. The Crimea is not Russia; the Ukraine is not Russia; Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania -- they are not Russia!  Nor is Brooklyn, New York!  

China, or Russia -- Which is a Threat?

I have both a young Chinese girl (from Beijing no less) and a Russian girl in my classes this term. The young Chinese woman is a Savannah College of Art and Design flunkee -- due to lack of English skills; while the young Russian woman is fluent in at least four languages.

Both are hard-working -- with the Chinese woman (call her Faye) wishing to be a Western fashion designer. She is tall, angular, and wears her clothes like elaborate sexy costumes -- entertaining to see, but usually not very practical in a climate like Savannah's. The Russian girl -- by contrast -- is extremely studious, bright, and Westernized to the extent that you can barely trace her dialect in her voice. She is a strategic student -- aimed for success, focused on doing well, achieving more and more each day.

Our Chinese woman is doll-like -- beautiful round eyes, whiter-than-white skin, and a soft and pleasing personality. She also has only a working vocabulary of about 3000 English words (about that of a third grader in the USA). Nonetheless she will earn an A or strong B in my class -- attention to detail, sticking to things she knows, and assiduous effort with a dictionary working on her "American" speeches. The Russian girl uses no help -- she is all business, and all success-oriented. And she will have one of the highest grades in all my classes -- hard work always yields results.

These two reflect for me the "world as it is"out there -- China versus Russia!  Which is a threat -- and what are they threatening, if anything?

Read (Red?) in Russia

Can someone please tell me why my tiny little blog is being "read" in Russia?  Am I a classroom project in some Moscow English class?

I did a short little piece on the rise of Russian nationalism -- and now people are reading my blog? I actually have lots to say about Russia. I have Russian neighbors and colleagues here in America, all of whom boast family in Russia, and all of whom have opinions on Putin, the Russian Oligarchs, political policy in the new Russia, alcoholism in the new Russia, poverty in the new/old Russia, government pensions, the rise of the army, Russia as a World Power, and countless other things.

When I read yesterday on Reuter's that the largest group of ISIS volunteers comes from Russia -- I literally couldn't believe it. But when you think about it -- Muslim minorities have been suppressed and controlled in Russia and the old USSR for hundreds of years. A technically atheistic (though decidedly Orthodox Christian) culture spent a lot of effort suppressing the rising Muslim minority.

And now, of course, there is the concept of the "Caliphate" -- and the death and destruction undertaken to try and create it.  

In Mediis Res or In Medias Res; Makes Little Difference

The best place to "start" a short story or a novel is -- in the middle of things.  In most of our experiences that's where life itself is -- in the middle of things. "I was on my way to work....when the accident happened." I was eating when ... I suddenly started choking.  I was living a full and comfortable life ... when I thought about "what it all meant."

As you continue your day, week, month, holiday season, journey, life --- always remember, you are just "in the middle of things." And watch out for that truck!

Passing

To a student -- passing is the turning point! To an elderly person -- passing is the transition, or not, to another life!  To a driver -- passing is moving beyond the slower ones, to a faster more legitimate speed! To the human race itself  -- passing is moving towards the inevitable --- extinction.

"Passing" by itself is a term, a word, a group of simple sounds. But conceptually it is complex and in multiple ways, forbidding.

To "pass" is to change -- it is to get beyond the status quo. To embrace something different! To consciously and succinctly embrace the "new." If it were only that easy.

Blondes

Today has been a day... where I began to truly believe all those "stories" about blondes!  Do blondes have more fun --- probably; but they can't remember from day to day what fun they've had.  Yikes.

I have had a progression of "dumb" or "confused" blondes parading through my office and classrooms today.  "Are we having an exam? Gosh, is that today?" I have announced it "and put it up on the board every class day" for the past three weeks. Blondes don't read; blondes don't remember; blondes don't take notes; blondes wind up flunking their classes!

Yes, I married a blonde -- but her hair was "luminized" to get there (read 'bleached'). So, she was much much smarter than the blondes I work with now.

The Beauty in One's Eyes

Some human beings are just plain beautiful!  It is not the physical body -- great form, perfect proportion, pleasing color(s) or color!  It is not the intelligence -- seen so readily in the decisions, the thought processes, the empathy!

It is not the friends they have, or the children they nurture, or the families they are from, or the delight they take in living. It is also definitely not their marital state, or their sexual preference(s), or their age, or anything peripheral to them. It is not how they touch, or enjoy being touched.

It is rather -- all in their eyes. Movement, status, solidity, knowledge, hope, despair, life! It is all in their eyes.