Americans do a lot of things "pro forma!" Just because it seems that we should, we offer "thanks" for what we have received. But do we really ever just stop and count those many blessings; make a list; total up the receipts, etc? Nope.
"Pro forma" mean just what it implies; according to form, as per usual, like always. It is what we do because we are not circumspect enough to really look at all we have.
I thank you -- fate, god, God, self, whomever -- for all the things and good fortune I have received -- however I have received them; in spite of my seeming unworthiness and clumsy attempts at rectitude. Thanks again.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Thursday, November 20, 2014
A Tribute to SHE
What SHE put up with! I was a Midwestern mind-set mail with built-in prejudices against the South --- and its women. I thought the educational systems in the South were backward (they are); the thinking was so thirty-years-ago (it is); and that all its people were slightly "nuts" for staying there.
I learned something about the grace and beauty of Southern charm; the strength of women who can only be compared to "pioneer types"; and the warmth of the South and its many passions. I was so arrogant and conceited about the superiority of the North (and yes, the Midwest). And I was mostly venal and short-sighted.
I needed to grasp the "heart" -- the "soul" of the South; which lies deeper than all the stereotypes. And that "soul" loves the land, and people, and slow-time in everything. Those are its characteristics.
How did Sheila Nassif Mrochinski put up with me all those years -- I cannot even imagine it. Even though I lived it.
I learned something about the grace and beauty of Southern charm; the strength of women who can only be compared to "pioneer types"; and the warmth of the South and its many passions. I was so arrogant and conceited about the superiority of the North (and yes, the Midwest). And I was mostly venal and short-sighted.
I needed to grasp the "heart" -- the "soul" of the South; which lies deeper than all the stereotypes. And that "soul" loves the land, and people, and slow-time in everything. Those are its characteristics.
How did Sheila Nassif Mrochinski put up with me all those years -- I cannot even imagine it. Even though I lived it.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
My Horrible Time Comes Again
The anniversary is fast approaching -- on December 4th, 2006 Sheila Nassif Mrochinski passed away in my arms. It was a horrible time because she died way too young (not yet 50) and it was a glorious time because her death finally ended all the suffering she had endured the previous two years since her diagnosis with breast cancer.
She had contracted IBC (inflammational breast cancer) -- where her first real warning sign was a rash on her left breast and upper back (and a slight pain in her hip, which turned out to be a broken back)-- a sign that this killer cancer has already spread to bone, lymph nodes, and beyond. Those last two years saw multiple treatments of "radiation therapy" (at least six segments of her spine) and numerous intravenous doses of killer concoctions of dreaded chemotherapy. And other drugs to strengthen bone, or promote red cell growth, or whatever!
At one point my dear wife asked me to "put an end to this" as she could no longer stand the pain, the stress, the hopelessness (and it was that hopeless, no matter what her doctors said). We talked long and hard about suicide, and murder, and end of life, and issues of heaven and hell.
I so wanted her to be happy -- every moment I was with her, even during this devastating time in her life. And I felt so inadequate to the task. She could not eat what she wanted (fresh fruit and vegetables) due to the threat of infection; she could not do what she wanted (because of lack of energy, and hope, and direction); and I had become the doctor's bully boy -- supposedly helping her to extend her life by doing "all the right things." But really, there were no right things. And so she died in my arms, where we had spent many happy days together -- even during the time of Hospice.
And I should have died there as well.
She had contracted IBC (inflammational breast cancer) -- where her first real warning sign was a rash on her left breast and upper back (and a slight pain in her hip, which turned out to be a broken back)-- a sign that this killer cancer has already spread to bone, lymph nodes, and beyond. Those last two years saw multiple treatments of "radiation therapy" (at least six segments of her spine) and numerous intravenous doses of killer concoctions of dreaded chemotherapy. And other drugs to strengthen bone, or promote red cell growth, or whatever!
At one point my dear wife asked me to "put an end to this" as she could no longer stand the pain, the stress, the hopelessness (and it was that hopeless, no matter what her doctors said). We talked long and hard about suicide, and murder, and end of life, and issues of heaven and hell.
I so wanted her to be happy -- every moment I was with her, even during this devastating time in her life. And I felt so inadequate to the task. She could not eat what she wanted (fresh fruit and vegetables) due to the threat of infection; she could not do what she wanted (because of lack of energy, and hope, and direction); and I had become the doctor's bully boy -- supposedly helping her to extend her life by doing "all the right things." But really, there were no right things. And so she died in my arms, where we had spent many happy days together -- even during the time of Hospice.
And I should have died there as well.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Men are Not Morons
My female-dominated classes have been a revelation to me. So many smart young woman truly think that their sexual counterparts are mostly morons.
No, they don't just think that men are different! They absolutely insist that men are "morons" by any viable understanding of what that means. Men are morons because: they think differently, they don't think at all, they don't understand me (referring to themselves of course), they aren't not capable of change, they aren't capable of growth, they are hobbled by male interests (which do not include: shopping, sensuality, nor success), they are hamstrung by contact and friendship with other males, and are specifically non-reactive to human (feminine) understanding.
And yet, females marry these dufuses. They try to set up a happy marriage with them. The plan to spend the rest of their lives with them. They plan, play, and even copulate with them. Who are the stupid ones now?
No, they don't just think that men are different! They absolutely insist that men are "morons" by any viable understanding of what that means. Men are morons because: they think differently, they don't think at all, they don't understand me (referring to themselves of course), they aren't not capable of change, they aren't capable of growth, they are hobbled by male interests (which do not include: shopping, sensuality, nor success), they are hamstrung by contact and friendship with other males, and are specifically non-reactive to human (feminine) understanding.
And yet, females marry these dufuses. They try to set up a happy marriage with them. The plan to spend the rest of their lives with them. They plan, play, and even copulate with them. Who are the stupid ones now?
Taxes, Death, and Love's Failures
Another installment of my real estate taxes gets paid today --- and I am 6 thousand or so dollars poorer! Death, the second inevitability, also moves closer as physical deterioration settles into aging joints and even quicker-aging body systems. And Love's failures, as some poet might say, are always with us and creep past our peripheral vision to cover us over -- all without ever being clearly seen.
I can handle the taxes -- at least so far. Death is coming on like shadowy night -- but I am pretty sure I can handle that too. Love's failures -- which are mostly past -- and preordained for the future; are the most difficult challenge to reckon with. Why? Our intentions are nearly always "good" when we love -- but they are most often unmindful enough of what is good for the other -- and so they fail, not so much from willful selfishness, as from unappreciated ignorance of the other. I never paid enough attention -- I was too fearful to notice the details -- I was too absorbed in success and failure to improve the very process that would have saved it all. Love requires humility and gift-giving most of all. Not thinking too much; not hoping too much for a perfect moment.
I can handle the taxes -- at least so far. Death is coming on like shadowy night -- but I am pretty sure I can handle that too. Love's failures -- which are mostly past -- and preordained for the future; are the most difficult challenge to reckon with. Why? Our intentions are nearly always "good" when we love -- but they are most often unmindful enough of what is good for the other -- and so they fail, not so much from willful selfishness, as from unappreciated ignorance of the other. I never paid enough attention -- I was too fearful to notice the details -- I was too absorbed in success and failure to improve the very process that would have saved it all. Love requires humility and gift-giving most of all. Not thinking too much; not hoping too much for a perfect moment.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Catholic Church on Sex, and Life
The Holy Roman Catholic Church has been confused and mistaken about sex from its founding. As an outcropping of Judaic belief the inequality of the genders was entombed in Catholic (and hence early Christian thinking and tradition). The Catholic Church compounded its errors by mistaking this long tradition for truth on matters such as: gender equality, the meaning of marriage, what it means to be gay, gender identification, contraception, abortion, when a human life begins, normalcy, abnormalcy, bisexuality, sex outside of procreation, the understanding of family, free will, life/death issues, capital punishment, morality versus legality, suicide, and a host of other issues.
If we accept the premise that mankind was born with (or even given) free will -- to choose whatever path he/she may to achieve their own full growth -- whence comes the concept of sin? What are we sinning against? Nature? The "Law of God"? And why does God make a "Law" that does not allow the full use of our "Free" will? Is "Free Will" really free if it is restricted by a morality borne only of God and not from man's mind and nature?
Did God create creatures to oppose himself? Is God really in control? Is God really omnipotent? Whence comes evil; whence comes choice; whence comes happiness? And despair?
If we accept the premise that mankind was born with (or even given) free will -- to choose whatever path he/she may to achieve their own full growth -- whence comes the concept of sin? What are we sinning against? Nature? The "Law of God"? And why does God make a "Law" that does not allow the full use of our "Free" will? Is "Free Will" really free if it is restricted by a morality borne only of God and not from man's mind and nature?
Did God create creatures to oppose himself? Is God really in control? Is God really omnipotent? Whence comes evil; whence comes choice; whence comes happiness? And despair?
Being a Teacher
One always has to take the good with the bad. Some students will always see the teacher as the enemy -- out to screw them at every turn, and incapable of doing their own jobs. Others will show some respect for what the teacher is trying to do -- help the students learn.
I have been faced with both types of students in my career. When a student runs into things that they themselves have failed to comprehend -- often blame can go to the teacher, and not to their own lack of work on the topic in question. At every phase of my teaching life I have faced the hateful students, and the good ones. The ones who really want to learn survive the adversities, and reap the rewards.
The others remain disgruntled and mostly unfulfilled. What kind of student are you?
I have been faced with both types of students in my career. When a student runs into things that they themselves have failed to comprehend -- often blame can go to the teacher, and not to their own lack of work on the topic in question. At every phase of my teaching life I have faced the hateful students, and the good ones. The ones who really want to learn survive the adversities, and reap the rewards.
The others remain disgruntled and mostly unfulfilled. What kind of student are you?
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Vote or Die
I urge everyone -- regardless of party, affiliation, or conviction to vote today. Be responsible for your future. Have the government and its policies really reflect your own thinking. Stand up for yourself and make your choices known to the politicians both in today's elections, and long afterwards as they purport to govern.
You are our future.
You are our future.
Monday, November 3, 2014
On the Death of Bureaucracy
Perhaps it is just wishful thinking -- but I truly think that all bureaucracies comprise an outdated model. Bureaucracy of its nature is inefficient, clumsy, forgetful, porous, unthinking -- and without much redeemable value. Bureaucracy provides a "wall" that we can spit against, lean against, pee on, and generally disrespect.
Bureaucracy doesn't keep any of the bad elements out; it doesn't preserve time-honored traditions or bring any kind of peace to the menials caught up in its maw.
Bureaucracy doesn't keep any of the bad elements out; it doesn't preserve time-honored traditions or bring any kind of peace to the menials caught up in its maw.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)