Being Old(er?)

I always wondered about the prospect of becoming old. Would it be a swift deterioration towards clumsy slowness? Would it include reckless attempts to prove one's youth (resulting no doubt is some sort of injury that's hard to explain to a 'regular doctor'? And now, inexorably, I'm sliding into it.

So, how is it?

I don't feel it!

I know it's happening but I still don't feel it! So, perhaps mental and physical numbness and lack of memory (of pain and embarrassment) are a significant part of it all?

Perhaps. Now, since I'm sliding into it; I may never know. 

My Students are the BEST

Having taught in conservatories, in University programs of some renown, and Graduate programs in the arts -- I have earned perspective on students, teaching, and teachers. On the University level I encountered lazy teachers, or narcissistic teachers, or egomaniacs using textbooks they had written-- and bad teachers, and self-indulgent teachers, and unconnected teachers. At the Graduate level I encountered meglamaniacal professors -- and professors who shouldn't be teaching anyone, now or ever. And some very good professors as well.

Now in teaching at a technical college, Savannah Technical College, I have encountered the same types of teachers. But...the students here are more diverse, hungry, and open to the best I can give them. They are students in the old and wonderful sense -- they are "tabulas rasas" wherein the teacher (and the other students, and themselves) can write the wonders of knowledge and growth. 

My students at STC are not perhaps the best prepared -- but they are most open to the process of preparation. They are not perhaps the best supported -- but the support they give themselves is courage of a high order.

They keep open minds -- and fill them with what they consider the best. And that then makes them the "best."

You Are Not Alone

If you have made "dumb" mistakes in your life, resulting in pain to others, and a lack of self-esteem in you -- you are not alone. If you have failed to pick up on someone else's desires, and thus robbed you and them of the pleasures of each other's company; you are not alone. If you seriously thought that "life would even out" and set you up in a long period of relative bliss-- you are not alone.

If  I had time and energy enough I would count all the mistakes I have made -- and some moments that perhaps were not mistakes for me, but seemed so for the people I was involved with. How many?
A thousand? Several thousand?

You think I jest perhaps, or exaggerate? Just count the many, many times you unintentionally (or intentionally) became the "fool" because you just didn't know how to react; didn't know how to handle the situation; or were afraid of offending the other person (or your own sensibilities).

I owe apologies to hundreds of people -- maybe thousands. For all the times I was arrogant, or unthinking, or selfish with my motives, or just plain stupid. All of us are so very, very human after all. 

Sex in Revolution

The world is in revolution: violence in Africa, Europe, Asia, the Middle East, Central America, South America, and North America too.  Changes over religion, political philosophies, economic realities, family/community/societal values -- have marked the current time as the most confused and confusing time in all of history. Complexification (as De Chardin might say) has spiralled outwards and encased all of us in its quickly growing web. Along with every other valued element human beings honor -- sex is also changing.

We now declare what sex we are -- a complex decision fraught with psychological, biological, and behavioral consequences. We are straight, or not; bi-sexual, or not; gay/lesbian, or not; kinky, or not;
transgender, or not; normal, or not; psychotic, or not; narcissistic, or not; human, or not! These "choices" are not really choices as much as chosen directions, components, or habits. The "decisions" we do make are made usually on the basis of ease, or co-equanimity with how we choose to live the rest of our lives. 

We are sexual -- that is for sure. We were given "free will." That is only partially sure. We are influenced, guided, and impeded by standards set by others. We live out our lives -- hopefully that is not a sham existence in a cave lined with self-assuring mirrors. Hopefully our life is truly ours to live.

Job Search

Some of us are in a constant flux of searching for a new job: we seek out every morsel of new information about out field; we consume all the "leads" that might lead us to a happier job; we worry
about the stability of our present job to an inordinate degree.

Unhappiness follows the person who cannot see the sunlight where they are. Joy fades in a minute when our desire for more blocks our current experience, and we try to live only for what we may have someday. Don't search for a new job; search for a real joy!

Thursday is Friday Where I Work

Due to one of the curiosities of educational scheduling -- my 40 hr. week ends on Thursday night, after four consecutive 10 plus hour days.  Sometimes I come in on Friday's as well, just to clean up my desk but on most weeks, not so. 

This strange configuration actually haunts the work schedule throughout the week -- since our department also has several members whose schedules don't follow the four day norm. Sometimes it is literally impossible to get things done, to move things up the chain of command; literally because we won't see that administrator or assistant until the weekend has passed. Yikes. This is kind of a bureaucracy that wants to be inefficient.

Carlos Sims has called for the 30 hr. per week work week. I say "yes." That means my Wednesday would be my Friday  -- there's an idea I could live with. 

Imbalance

Sometimes things don't go the way they are supposed to. Sometimes the dog dies. Sometimes there is no happy ending. Sometimes suffering is unrelieved.

And always -- we wonder why. Why is it that some people suffer hardships again and again? Have they done something to deserve their fate? Are they being "punished" somehow by fate, or god, or God, or their own soul? Is there a statistical element involved that says: "some people have all the luck -- whether it is good, or whether it is bad?"

To all those questions I would respond: the world is clearly out of whack! There is nothing about existence, or life, or being an American, or being rich, or being black, or being white, or being female, or being male -- that is fair or equitable. As we strive to live a cognitive life that has balance in it -- as we work to keep ourselves from the extremes of stress or its opposite -- as we live; we must recognize that things are out of balance and we can be swept up easily in movement that are far beyond any sense of control.

Balance

How can you live the fullest possible life? How can you have the greatest possible pleasure from everything you experience: sex, pain, joy, warm, cold, sun, wind, a kiss, a slap, everything!

Is is not stupid nor is it overstating the obvious to say that to really experience things -- you must have balance. You must flow to the high knowing that you will slide down to the low sooner than you can think.  All things in balance -- all things in proportion. All things to be enjoyed -- the good and the bad. Just as life is to be enjoyed -- so too the reverse when it comes to you. Balance -- enjoy being human and capable of balance.